[Readein]

I'm not sure if I was clear on this or not, but I don't do drugs. Last time I did shrooms was like a year and a half ago. I was simply stating I didn't have an issue with doing them, but I don't have the urge to do it. I understand I need to quit pot, but pot isn't my issue mentally. I don't even drink caffeine much, so I don't have any other vice aside from pot. I am the result of hiding from myself due to drugs, but I don't have a drug issue anymore. I do have issues brought forth by my previous drug experience though.

Also I hate being away from Angel. It's not that we don't enjoy each others company; I just can't bring myself to teach her the things I want her to do. It's so much easier to just please her; than me keep losing my erection because I'm stressing. As far as getting past these mental brick walls goes; I don't think it's possible. It's like a voice screams at me everytime I'm in a situation that's stressful. I call them brick walls because of how abrupt, and intensely they hit me. Not dissimilar to my mood swings, but those are getting so bad that I don't need a trigger anymore. It's like my body gets really hot and fills with rage, or I get light headed and get really depressed. I try to appear borderline psychopathic to try and avoid having them. I just don't deal with emotion well.

I'm too exhausted mentally to deal with anything because I'm constantly either getting over a mood swing, or I'm right in the middle of one. The days where I can keep myself occupied and not think is when I feel the most sane. It's almost as if I'm two different people.