[JazzyJazz]

Changing your perspective is not as easy as it sounds. You would need to unpick your mind, find out where this all started and what triggered it, deal with that and then start to alter your current thought patterns. This is all achieved through therapy, which needs to be done with a psychiatric professional. You cannot do it alone. Believe me when I say that.

I'm actually finding it difficult to comprehend that you only had treatment that was designed to help you gain weight. Perhaps things are different in the US, but here in the UK it is standard practice for anorexia sufferers to be referred to a psychiatric team. I'm sorry to learn that you weren't offered that service. Clearly they were thinking about the short term rather than the long term.

I don't mean to sound bleak, but unless you get some help from a psychiatrist/psychologist, I don't think you are ever going to be free of anorexia. Certainly not in the next few years anyway. And by then your grades will have been affected, as well as your state of mind (i.e. feeling more and more depressed about life).

I know you say y0u don't want to ask for any more help, but the fact is that you weren't given the right help in the first place. And you deserve to have that.

Yes, there may be people who think that you should be okay by now, but those people need to research anorexia and realise that sticking someone in an outpatient weight gain clinic is only half of the solution.

Do not feel that it is your fault for not being completely recovered. You weren't given a fair chance because you didn't get all the help you need.

I know that in the US healthcare has to be paid for by the patient and seeing a psychiatric professional is often quite expensive. If this is an issue then you could consider seeing a counsellor. But realistically, unless they had had specialist eating disorder training, I doubt that they would know what needs to be done. Most counsellors are, unfortunately, only helpful when it comes to emotional issues rather than diagnosed disorders.

Putting aside any feelings of guilt and thoughts of "I should be over this by now", do you think you would be able to talk to your parent(s) about this?