[Kate*]

His strong faith and forced positive attitude wasn't enough to save him. What hope is there for the rest of us? I see zero point in continuing, I've had enough.

I think that's the most calories in one day than I've eaten in my entire life. I'll never lose this weight now, one more reason to go I guess.

I want to tell you everything, but I'm not sure you care. You responded, so you care enough to do that, but I don't want to bother you since there's nothing you can do. I still wrestle with how much of this was my fault. It will haunt me for the rest of my life and I have 18 months of proof that I'll never be okay again.

I'm resolved and resigned. It's a matter of time now. Not everyone gets a happy ending, mine isn't coming and I'm sick of fighting this hard for a shitty one. I finally learned when to quit.

If I ever manage to try that, and it fails (again), then I will really be done. If I manage to ever do it, it will be my last resort.

I should've resisted that, really must learn, but I also have to learn not to let these things get to me, so we'll see how I do. Makes me REALLY want to submit my original story though. I would submit both of them, but I should start with one.