[Kate*]

I'll probably end up telling you something anyway, even if you can't do anything. Maintaining contact just in case, that's all it is. I know you claimed you did it to protect me, but sending me crashing into this new hell of a reality was no better. Don't know what I expect you to say. The only reason I'm even expecting a response at all is because I've always gotten one.


Every time I ended up in your office you told me I wasn't wasting your time, but it ended up wasted so I did. And you said that even if it ended that it wouldn't be wasted, but I can't prove that I learned it or use it, so it was. Not only do I not get to have the life I want, but I don't get to have one at all. I should've given up before I even started. I fight like hell for my whole life to end up with nothing and it's not worth it anymore. I want you to make this better, but you can't and we both know it. I finally learned when to quit. There's just no point and I've had enough.

I don't think I'll ever know how much of it was really my fault, and that tortures me. And I have to watch everyone else start their lives by getting their dream jobs doing what I was so close to and wanted to do so badly. Can you at least make it stop hurting so much?

I have to be really careful with what I tell you. Even if you could do something, I don't want to put it on you. That's not what I want to use you for, but I feel like it'll eventually come out that suicide is virtually guaranteed at this point. Not everyone gets a happy ending. And it has nothing to do with how hard I fought either because we both know how much work I did that didn't count for anything.