[hocus pocus]

I am sorry you had to experience this. Have you considered telling someone about this so you don't have to keep it to yourself anymore? Is there anyone you trust; maybe a friend, family member, teacher, or anyone else? It's important to tell someone when you are ready and if you are not yet ready I definitely respect that and suggest doing other stuff to release your feelings in the meantime. For example, you can write the memories of being harassed and raped, you can write a poem about it, or write letters to the people who did this to you and then rip them up.

You said you're trying not to think of these memories. But, trying not to think of them pushes them farther into the back of your mind and they will surface at some point down the road. I encourage you to think of these memories when you can, when you're comfortable with it. You can give yourself a set time of day to do so. Something else you can do is think back to that memory and give it an alternate ending in which you "win" against your abusers. This can be therapeutic; it can make it less painful to look back on and can help you feel safer.

I know it is easier said than done but try not to be embarrassed about being Jewish. There is nothing wrong with that and if someone doesn't like that, that's on them. It says more about them than it does about anything else.

Hang in there.