[Jess~]

Originally Posted by cynefin

Sorry to hear that your friend knew and did not do or say anything. In a way, someone knowing that someone else is going to get harmed is just as bad as the rapist or abuser themselves.

It must be really hard for you to cope with this news and ending the friendship, given what he did (or didn't do) seems like it would be most beneficial for you and your health. Perhaps you can take a step back from everyone for a while so you have time to process this news.

Can you change seats in class so you don't have to sit near him? If seats are assigned, maybe you can ask your instructor to move them because you're feeling uncomfortable around him. And, if needed, perhaps you can skip your friend's birthday so you can give yourself a little time to begin to work through this.

This piece of news is really big and it's going to take time to come to terms with it and begin to process it. So, be patient and kind with yourself and remember that TeenHelp is here for you during this time.

Thanks for the support. I technically could change seats if it gets so bad that I have to. It just sucks because I'm horrible at making new friends, but this semester I finally reached out and made friends with this one kid in our group where we sit. The teacher forces us to do a lot of group work in class too, and since I'm already so comfortable with my group, I don't think I could move seats.

I just texted Jeff and told him that what he did was unforgivable and has made our friendship irreparable. I told him that I'm going to be friendly and civil with him for the remainder of this semester, for the sake of focusing on school instead of fighting about drama. It sucks because cutting it off with him means I'm also jeopardizing and ruining the friendship I have with his girlfriend, who I've known since freshman year of high school. She is like a sheep to him and wholeheartedly believes everything he lies about. (Like I said above, she believed him when he said he cheated on her only to try and "save me". Like what.)

I tried to make it neutral enough so that he doesn't get mad at me and turn her against me too badly. I really don't think I could deal with them both teaming up against me and starting shit in class. We have two classes together on Tues/Thurs, and there was a time where we broke off our friendship before. It was not pretty at all and they turned a lot of people against me and spread lies very quickly. I'm going to try to get closer to the one neutral friend (who is also in both of our classes) I have in that class so that maybe I can start sitting next to him in our second class too.
But yet it seems stupid to pretend to be on good terms with Jeff just to finish out the semester. I don't know.

Originally Posted by Celyn

That's an awfully difficult situation to be in! Either Jeff is telling the truth, and in which case, had the power to do something to stop you from being raped. Or he is lying, which is obviously just going to mess with your emotions. Either way, he doesn't seem like someone that has your best interests at heart at all, and I'm sorry that you are going through this.

I agree that some distance and perhaps ending the friendship may be the healthiest option for you. Understandably after hearing such news, it's going to change how you see Jeff and the friendship itself. Agree that it might help to change seats in class, if possible, and if need be, avoid the road trip. Maybe you can do something else to celebrate your friend's birthday? At least that way you won't have to miss out so much.

Like I said above I don't think I can very well change seats in one of the classes, but I'm hoping to get closer to a friend I have in our second class and start sitting with him instead of Jeff and his girlfriend. Oh, and the friend whose birthday is coming up actually is his girlfriend, so there's really no avoiding him there. I don't want to miss out on that, but I might have to depending on what we do and how our interactions in class go from now on.
I think if I really wanted this friendship to continue in the first place, I could find it inside myself to look past that and chalk it up to maybe he was just a dumbass back then and didn't know any better. Maybe. But combined with all these other things that he's done, I think this was going to happen whether I found out about this or not.
Ugh, it's so painful though. I'm basically saying goodbye to the entire group of friends I had during high school, besides the one girl who has been helping me through this (she also hates Jeff for other reasons, and now even more for this reason.) Me, that girl, Jeff, his girlfriend, and another chick would always hang out at Jeff's house. Like that was our hang out spot where we would always meet and always be able to go. His family owned a tent trailer that we would have parties in and a campground that we would go camp at. It's just gonna suck to have summer without them and those things.