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Re: Why would ex girlfriend block everything apart from viber? -
March 19th 2018, 07:27 PM
Hey there,
Her reasons do sound ... petty I suppose ... but it sounds like the two of you all might have been having problems for a while because she said that she's given you a lot of chances and she has had enough since last year. Those two comments lead me to believe that while her reasons may seem petty they were likely exacerbated by issues that you all were having throughout the relationship.
You said you did nothing wrong and in most relationships the break down is due to both parties there are some relationships where it is primarily one person over the other such as in abusive relationships or with cheating etc. She said that she gave you numerous chances but did she effectively communicate exactly what she wanted/needed changed. Did the both of you assess the relationship and try and look into ways to resolve any issues because any long term relationship is going to have issues come up but if those issues are ignored or not handled/being handled ... the relationship can fall apart.
I can give an example, in December my boyfriend and I pretty much broke up. We had the talk and I told him I couldn't do the relationship anymore. The reasoning was because we were having a lot of issues and they were not being resolved. He talked about couples counseling and individual counseling for himself and myself ... but the issue had been exacerbated and we were dealing with other stressful things so I just had enough. I admit I was a mess and I had to take some time and than we talked a bit more about it and decided on couples counseling but we are actually making an effort to discuss long and short term goals with the counselor and when we have an issue with the counselor or our progress we are being active in voicing it. My point is, the issues in my relationship came up and just became too much because we were both ignoring it. I have a bit more insight now almost 4 months later as to why I wasn't coping well and I am glad I ended up not walking away.
However, for your girlfriend ... whatever her issues are she might feel like she cannot continue to deal with them and if she see's no resolution in sight ... than it is unlikely she is going to want to stay. The reason I stayed with my boyfriend and am glad I made that decision is because I am starting to see that there might be a resolution to some of our issues that a lot of it will take time but some of it was due to stagnation and neither of us attempting to make the changes.
I think that one thing you should do is really look at the relationship and think back on times your girlfriend might have voiced issues she had and think back to your response; did you try and acknowledge her complaints and work through it or did you put it on the back burner. I think that if you can try and gain insight into the issues from the relationship that might have led to her walking away it could help you deal with the break up a bit more.
I can't really say why she didn't block you on the app you were talking about. I am not sure what that app is but you could ask her I suppose.
Now, if the two of you didn't have problems that were ignored and became overwhelming for your girlfriend than you might want to think long and hard about if you want to be with someone who would break up with you over those things without communicating.
For example, the joke was inappropriate and I definitely would be upset if my partner made that comment but I can say I would voice that frustration or hurt to try and work through it. I mean, I have a really sarcastic sense of humor and it's dark and dry. Most the time my boyfriend is similar but I check in with him and there have been times when his jokes have unintentionally hurt my feelings. We did argue because I misunderstood but we talked through it and he apologized and we discussed how sometimes certain things get joked too much and we have tried not to do it too much. However, that has taken practice for both of us since we are naturally sarcastic etc.
Also, regarding the money how were you approaching it? If you were being objective and pointing out that spending habits needed to change to move in with one another that's actually an important conversation to have because when you move in together there will be financial changes even if you both make decent money. If she was not open to discussing that or changing her habits than there isn't much you can do. However, reassessing how you worded things might be a good idea because sometimes if we don't effectively communicate things can come off wrong.
I don't really think there is a solution to this because it seems like your ex is intent on the relationship ending. It is likely that she blocked you on facebook and other places because you were contacting her too much.
I mean, the only real thing you could do is ask her to break down what she wanted to change but she might not respond and depending on how often you contact her on the app ... she might end up blocking you. You could, potentially, look into seeing if she would be open to couples counseling to try and figure out where things went wrong but if she is truly done with the relationship she probably won't be open to it. I know it is hard but there are a lot of people who eventually get to a point where they know they are done and they don't want to work through it. If your girlfriend has reached that point than she probably won't want to do anything like couples counseling.
I am rambling but I suppose it comes down to this; it's likely that you both don't see that you did anything wrong in the relationship and due to that she got to a point where ... she was done. If two people struggle to acknowledge what they could work on in a relationship or what they are doing wrong ... there are going to be less attempts to fix the issue and there will be stagnation and built up frustration.
While you might not be able to get this relationship back it might be a good idea to try and assess where things went downhill. You shouldn't obsess over that but sometimes acknowledging where you both went wrong can actually help you in future relationships because you can work on making the effort to not do it again etc.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but if she is truly done you need to respect her boundaries. She seems to be asking you to stop messaging her and it might be best to try and do that. Getting closure after a long term relationship ends can be difficult and it will take time.
Best regards.
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