Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you guys didn't manage to repair the relationship
Her reasons for ending the relationship, considering you'd been together for six years, do seem rather silly but obviously she doesn't see it that way. It seems very sad to end a long term relationship for those reasons to me, but ultimately it's up to your ex. I can understand you feeling it's petty, but from what you've told us I think her mind is made up and you just have to respect her feelings from here on.
I don't think you were controlling her, it seems to me that you just wanted to encourage your partner to make more sensible financial choices so that you guys could buy a home and start a life together. As I said in my response to your last post, you might not have done that in the best possible way, but I think your intentions were good and your reasoning was fair. However, it seems to me that you're ready to make some really positive moves in your life (e.g. buying a home, saving for the future) that she's not quite ready to follow you in. I think perhaps you need to be with someone who is ready for these things too, because it doesn't seem to me that this girl is. Even if she says she wants to buy a home with you soon, she's clearly not ready to get serious about that goal like you are. If she was, she'd have started saving up already. Sometimes two people love and care about each other and seem compatible in every way, but if their goals and the time lines they create for themselves don't match up, it's difficult to maintain a relationship.
Your ex has made it very clear that she doesn't want you to contact her and has no intentions of trying to mend the relationship now. As hard as it Is, I think you need to stop contacting her and begin the moving on process. Even if you feel it can still be salvaged, you can't do it alone, both parties have to be on board to repair a relationship and I don't think your ex is. Unless your ex contacts you, or you find yourself in a situation in which you have no choice but to contact her, I'd give her space now as she obviously doesn't want to speak to you for the time being. It's really hard when you've not had any closure as she's refusing to communicate with you, but in time you will find yourself closing that door alone. I was in a similarish situation to you years ago, and I still don't understand why he broke up with me even now, but as I've moved forwards in life you just gradually find yourself becoming more and more okay with what ever happened and more accepting of the fact you will never really know. It just sort of got to a point though that I didn't feel I needed to anymore because I'd moved on.
It seems to me like you did try to be a good boyfriend but that this girl has difficulties communicating and managing her money. Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do to change that. The decision to improve in these areas is one she has to make and take responsibility for.
I've put some tips for coping after a break up below just in case they help.
All the best,
Honey
1. A new hobby
Do something new. Trying something new will give you something to enjoy, something to keep you busy (which will keep your mind off your ex) and it'll give you a sense of achievement. If it's something your ex didn't want you to do - even better! As it'll remind you of at least one good thing about no longer being with your ex. You could try cooking, swimming or reading.*
2. Write a list of all the things you dislike about your ex*
And feel free to be ruthless. Now isn't the time to be forgiving. I know this isn't the most constructive thing, but it will help you to see that your ex isn't as perfect in reality as she seems in your mind at times, and that there are reasons you can be glad to be free of her now. Keep this list somewhere safe, and come back to it when you're feeling low about the break up.*
3. Spend time with your family and friends
Not only will this keep you busy, give you something to enjoy and give you people to share your feelings with and get support from, but it will remind you that even though you've lost an important person in your life, there's still plenty of other, great people surrounding you.*
4. Creative expression
I think its very important when you're going through a break up to let all the feelings of sadness, anger and loss you experience out. You could try writing a song or a poem. This will give you a healthy way to let go of your feelings. Though I recommend not sharing these poems or songs with anyone, at least for a while!*
5. Consider the lessons you learned from this relationship
No relationship is a waste of time if you learned something from it. Your relationship with this girl hasn't worked out, but I'm willing to bet that there's a least one or two things you learned from this relationship which will help you to have better relationships in the future. Thinking about these things may help you to see the brighter side of the way this relationship played out.*
6. Remove hope, and live in the present
This one is definitely easier said than done. But whenever you start imagining getting back with your ex, close your eyes, count to ten, tell yourself that its over now and start focusing on something else. I think the reason some people find a break up even harder to get over than a bereavement is because of the presence of hope that exists after a break up, so doing all you can to accept that your relationship with your ex is done with is the best way to start moving forward. Remember that the past is the past for a reason, and that we cannot go back and live there. There's no point in wishing that you could, or in wishing that you could change something that's already happened for one simple reason - you can't.*
7. Do some voluntary work, or fund raise for a charity
This one really helped me. This gets you out of the house, gives you something else to focus on, and surrounding yourself with people who are less fortunate than you also puts your situation into perspective.
8. Exercise the blues away
Exercise is not only good for your body, but your mind too. Exercise releases chemicals that boost your mood. Set yourself some exercise goals to focus on, and it will give you a great sense of achievement when you reach them.*
9. Avoid social media stalking.
Seeing your ex will only make you think of them even more. It might also make you angry or upset if you see she is having a great time (or seems to be, social media pages are essentially just highlights reels of people's lives and are rarely a true reflection of their situation). Unfriending and blocking is normally the best course of action.
*