Hi everyone,
Hope you're all okay. I hope a few of you won't mind giving me some advice here tonight. Sorry if this ends up being a bit lengthy.
So I'm feeling pretty lonely right now; mainly because I don't really have any friends. I suppose I've always been kind of a loner, in the sense that even as a young kid I felt a bit of an outsider and found it difficult to make friends at school. I don't think I'm necessarily disliked by other people, I get on with plenty of people and always have, but I find it quite difficult to establish actual friendships with people. I haven't really had a proper close friend since I was about 14 (I'm 21 now). I've recently finished my undergraduate degree in English Language and Linguistics at University. Over the course of my studies I felt I'd made some friends with a small group of people on the same programme as me, however, since finishing the course, texts and calls to the people have all been ignored, none of them have bothered to try and get in contact with me, and any agreements we made to meet up/stay in touch seem to have been forgotten. I thought that perhaps I'd finally overcome the problems I seem to have with making friends and getting close to others, but now I've realised I haven't. In general, I cope with my lack of friends and social connections. I fill my time with hobbies and I have my family, who I thank my lucky stars for every day. But sometimes I just can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. I can't help but wonder why it seems every one else has plenty of friends to chat to and hang out with, call at any hour of the day with any problem, but I always seem to be the one alone. What is it that's special about them and not me that means others like them and not me? I feel jealous and sad when I look around me and see people enjoying each other's company when I'm out alone, as I pretty much always am
I also split from my long term boyfriend late last year. I decided to end the relationship as I realised he was just passing time with me and was only really staying with because he felt I was better than no one at all. Whilst I am still sure that I made the right decision and am happy with the choice I made, since then I haven't had anyone seem remotely interested in me
I'm on several dating apps but I get very few messages, the only people who have been interested beyond the odd message have just been creepy dudes or ones who are only interested in a one night stand with pretty much any willing girl. I'm a nice person but sometimes I just feel that I don't have anything to offer anyone
I can be as nice and as kind as I like, but people always seem to want (and be able to easily find) someone cooler than me, funnier than me, prettier than me, more intelligent, confident and educated than me, more this and that than me. I feel like I just can't compete with anyone and that I'm just the most boring, useless, ugly, stupid person around. I'd really like to meet someone special. But I don't think anyone ever seems to think that I'm special enough to be that person to them... or even a friend to them it seems. I wish someone could just see something good in me for once. I wish I didn't have to be this good for nothing burden on others.
I'm sorry if all of this seems like a massive "poor me" rant. I know I have my health and my hobbies and my education and a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes it's quite hard just feeling constantly unwanted, unseen, unworthy and invalid to other people. I just want to feel like I'm good enough for someone to like for once.
If anyone has any advice on coping with loneliness and poor self esteem I'd really appreciate it. Thank you
P.s. sorry if this is in the wrong place. Feel free to move!