For a while i stopped cutting... and i was doing really good.. i had my friends support behind me and i was doing great.. but ive had alot of things happening lately and i thought i would do it just once more.. Just once... On the top of my hand...
And when i saw the blood trickle down the side of my hand.. I dont know.. its like i got an adreniline rush.. and i felt really good.. better than i have in a long while..
Now i wanna do it again.. and I know when i get home im going to...
It scares me knowing what i am doing to myself and when im done doing it and when im cleaning up the blood and i look at the tissue or the napkin or whatever.. and it terrifies me...
I sit there and think.. what would my family think of me.. my poor grandfather sitting in the hospital.. my grandmother dieing of a broken heart.. my sick mother.. my 4 year old little baby brother..
And my friends...
...and it just make me wanna do it again to get that awesome adreniline feeling...
I dont know what to do any more...
it feels so good... but it hurts so bad..