Thread: Triggering: Sex addiction from a young age.
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Alpine Offline
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Name: Hazen
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Location: British Columbia

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Join Date: October 24th 2020

Sex addiction from a young age. - October 24th 2020, 08:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So... I've never posted a thread. Ever. Anywhere.

Also, the only people I talk to about my problems so far have been my mother (once) and my councilor. I don't mean problems like dating or homework or work problems, or even acute stress ect. I mean the things that drag me down. That drive me down a... rabbit hole.

So this will be awkward. And possibly long.

I'm a person who has had two sides to him most of his life.

One side is me; awkward, funny, caring. I'm the protector of the friend group, the papa bear to my three younger brothers. I'm a musician, a voracious reader (Never less than eight books at a time ;) ) , a music lover. A poet (sort of). A writer. I like skiing and hiking, and where I live (West kootaneys, BC) is the perfect mountain playground for me.

I'm also broken, shy, scared, and struggling with depression, anxiety, and various stages of self loathing. I've lost family to suicide, and was and am still scared to go down the same road.

I was exposed, inadvertently by my father, to pornography at a very young age. I was... eight? Maybe. And it pretty much set the tone for the next eight years of my life. I am now sixteen and still struggling with a porn addiction. I came to my mom in the seventh grade about this because I was worried that I was going to hurt myself if I let it go on much longer. She shut me down cold turkey and my life somewhat returned to normal.

I didn't relapse for three years. Roughly.

I moved to another area of the kootaneys and relapsed. Again and again. And I've felt the crushing weight of everything that has happened to me, the horrors I've witnessed visit me like some long forgotten phantom. Overnight I became a monster. At school I zoned out, lost my humor and drifted away from my new friends. I started writing really dark poetry, and spending a lot of time staring into the distance. Suicide wormed it's way into my everyday thinking last Halloween. I even started drinking despite the fact my father being an alcoholic, my grandfather, my uncle, many of my aunts...

Here I am, reaching out. I told my mother that I needed a councilor, but not why. These days are one at a time, and I have strategies to cope and take care of myself. But still, I have relapses.

How do I turn myself off when my thinking strays to the dark side?
How do I resist that temptation?
What are some strategies to have a healthy sex life?