Thread: Feeling Asexual
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DeletedAccount71
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Re: Feeling Asexual - December 25th 2020, 12:22 AM

Hey there, thank you for sharing a bit about what's happened to you with us. First of all, I want to say how sorry I am that you were taken advantage of. No one, no matter what, deserves to be sexually assaulted. You are not at fault here, and you did nothing to deserve what happened. I hope you can truly take that to heart.

What you are experiencing is completely normal. Our relationship with sexuality often changes after sexual assault. Some people become more sexually active, while others go in the opposite way and become or almost become completely uninterested in sex. Personally, I am glad you recognize what's going on for you and are honoring it. When I was raped I wanted to have a healthy relationship with sex so badly, so I kept pushing my partner at the time to be sexual, only to have a complete breakdown every time after, or sometimes even in the middle. I wish I'd listened to my body and refrained from sex instead of putting myself through further trauma. So I think it's really good that you know where you're at.

I don't think this is forever. At least it wasn't for me. It takes time to heal, and I think that process is a lot easier if you have a therapist, or a support group, even just online. While talking about assault doesn't help everyone, I've found it helps the majority of people, at least that I've encountered. When you don't feel alone or weird or just plain guilty for what happened to you, it really jump starts your healing. Relationships may be tricky during this time, but eventually meeting someone who honors, cares for, and respects your boundaries can also do a lot to help with healing.

You're never going to be the person you were before the assault. I know that that's a hard thing to hear. Sometimes I still don't come to terms with it myself. But you can move forward with help and tools to support yourself, and learn more about healthy relationships (of all kinds, not just sexual or romantic) and about what makes you happy and whole. Because you are a whole person. I know after assault it feels for some people that something was stolen, but I promise it wasn't. You are still a whole, complete, beautiful person. You will find yourself again.

I hope this helped. Please, PM me any time if you need anything. My inbox is always open.