[Rivière]

Some context...

My brother met a woman through an online dating site last June. They were going back and forth chatting for about 2-3 weeks and decided to start up in a relationship. Once the lockdown was over, she came up from London to see him and kept doing so for a few months.

October rolls on by and right when I'm in the middle of work, he messages me talking about marriage and that he loves her. Naturally my head is like... 'What?' and, 'So soon..?' along with a great deal of other things. I tried to remain supportive of him because he obviously seems quite happy with her.

My brother's birthday is on the first week of December, so a few days earlier, I receive a random message from somebody who turned out to be his girlfriend. She wanted to organise a surprise birthday party at his house and wanted to see if I could join in on it. Naturally I wanted to be supportive of both so agreed. Then I found out from her that he already gave her a spare key to his house. Ok no problem, his home, his life.

My brother went down to London to see his girlfriend and to spend a couple of weeks over with her and her family for Christmas and New Year. The UK lockdown came and he ended up getting stuck down there. He's still there now, nearly 3 months in.

Tonight he messages me saying he's emailed our mum letting her know that he and his girlfriend are planning on getting married either at the end of this year, or at the beginning of next year. I don't think she's read his email yet because normally I end up turning into what's basically her personal counsellor as she offloads her thoughts and feelings. I end up just sitting/standing there nodding in the right places and listening to her for 30-40 minutes at a time whilst she goes on and on. She has yet to do that yet, but I'm bracing myself for it, and to let her know I already knew he was intending to marry.

So.. some additional information...

My brother's girlfriend is Indian. According to him, in Indian culture, 3 months is a long time to wait until marriage, and the fact they're still not married is kind of a bad thing. Due to her culture, she can't move in with him until they're married and must remain separate until then. He said he's ok with an Indian marriage and intends to go to India to get married because that's where most of his girlfriend's family are. Her mother included (she lives with her father and one of her brothers).

I don't care what race his girlfriend is. I don't care what skin colour she is, nor her cultural background. None of that matters to me. I want to be supportive of my brother and whatever choice he makes.

However... I have my own personal thoughts and feelings. I apologise if this offends anyone, but to me, it's so terribly quick. Having been in a few relationships myself, it's quite clear this woman is my brother's first ever serious relationship and he seems like he's over the moon in love with her, so is making all kinds of irrational decisions because he's so happy to be with her.

After meeting her online and talking to her for 2-3 weeks suddenly they were together. Then 4 months later, marriage is discussed. If he intends to marry her at the end of the year, he will have been with her a total of 18 months.

I know these things can work out, but I've read and heard so many stories of it not working out. Normally I like to see the positive in any situation, but with this one, I can't help but feel like he's seriously rushed into things because he's super into her. He wants me to attend his wedding in India, but I'm seriously conflicted.

Maybe it's just how media has portrayed India for women, but it never seems like a safe place to me. I'm a redheaded female who already ends up getting so much unwanted male attention because of my personality and looks. I worry of how it would be if I were to come to India for his wedding. Even if it were safe, I don't know if I could just drop my work and go over there to see him get married. If he were to marry here in the UK it would be different due to less travel.

I want to support my brother, and have done my very best to. I haven't given him any of my own thoughts or opinions. I haven't been a naysayer and put a downer on his relationship. I've ensured to keep conversations with him positive.

I don't know how to feel about the whole situation. Thoughts? Words of wisdom?