[Rivière]

While I don't have children, I see both sides of the issue.

A lot of family matters come down to communication, or lack there of. If your teenagers are doing things you feel are selfish, it would be a good idea to discuss your thoughts and feelings with them. Be encouraging. Give them reason to do the things you want them to. Think of how you grew up, were you similar? If so, what motivated you to listen to your parents?

I remember when I was their age, I never cleaned up after myself. I never bothered to wash dishes, dry them, or put them away. I didn't bother buying in any food or going out for food shops to replace what I'd eaten. No matter how many nice things my family bought for me, I barely gave back in return. I can't imagine how frustrating it was for my my family to have to deal with my behaviour. My older brother of 2 1/2 years was quite similar.

This isn't to say all teenagers are quite thoughtless, but I see parenting as somewhat of a game. In order to get them to do what you want, sometimes, perhaps you need to reward them with something in order to get them to do it.

Again, back when I was young, I never realised my own behaviour. I took a lot of things for granted. It wasn't until I was in the position of my mother that I realised. When I grew up and started living on my own, I had to fend for myself. This meant washing up after myself. Doing my own laundry. Cleaning up my flat. The usual basic things that relate to hygiene etc. It was a lesson learned.

Sometimes people have to go through the experience in order to understand it. You've gone through the experience of being a certain type of teenager, and have grown up, married, divorced, as well as have 3 children. They haven't yet reached that point in life. They don't yet understand the importance of why you're asking them to do the things they need to do. They don't understand that it's impolite to finish off the last of food supplies and not consider letting you know, or even bothering to replace them.

I would definitely sit down with your children and discuss the reasons for their behaviour. Try to avoid scolding them or coming across as aggressive. Try and be understanding with them and see things from their perspective. Maybe this will help them reciprocate and understand your needs too.