[Ennui.]

Not looking for advice, just a rant, though feedback always appreciated.

I've been doing group therapy for a while, but there is a high turnover rate. Between the fact that the group I was in was going in-person and the fact that the clinician was leaving, I decided I'd try a new group. The group that I was in wasn't that great because all we did was check-ins and by the time that was over there would be no time do do anything substantial.

So, I tried a new group today and that was a fiasco. I forgot that I was supposed to start next week and not this week and the receptionist wasn't going to let me in. She said to contact the clinician about next week and transportation issues. I left in tears because I spent money I didn't have on an Uber and called the clinician to leave a message about transportation, and she thankfully let me join the group today. I'm a little more hopeful about this one.

The clinician is also going to help me with Medicaid transportation, a company named Veyo. I have low self-efficacy with public transit and got on the wrong bus when I tried, so she said there's a way for me to get an override because of my mental health.

My therapist isn't that great either, I don't think, but I've given up on finding a new one because quality Medicaid providers are hard to come by, so I'll stick with her and maybe it'll improve. She didn't think I had BPD because I don't present as a classic case, so I sent her a PsychologyToday article on how people like me can present and she's doing more research. In the past, she also said she doesn't think I have PTSD because I don't do things like jump when people come up behind me. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but my trauma was not physical. Thankfully my prescriber sent me a screener for PTSD that I have to complete. My therapist is also wondering if I have ADHD but my prescriber thinks it's actually symptoms caused by a mix of my other mental illnesses.

I do like my prescriber because she admitted I'm sometimes a little bit more complex and that she wants to do research before she considers prescribing me anything for focus and concentration. She's worried that stimulants will cause mania, and those are the normal treatments. So she's looking into whether giving me anything would do more harm than good. She's the one quality provider I've had.

I hate how poor the mental health sector is.