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Re: My boyfriend canít stay hard - November 17th 2021, 09:46 PM

I had a partner who had issues with performance anxiety for a long time. I, too, took it to mean that they weren't interested in me anymore, or that I wasn't turning them on enough. I shed many tears over it as well. I think people who are AFAB (assigned female at birth) and are in relationships with someone who has a penis, are taught that it's our job to be arousing, and our job to make our partner reach satisfaction. In reality, that's not the truth. We are not responsible for our partners arousal or orgasm.

It took me a long time to uncouple myself from that, and accept that the performance anxiety did not have anything due to my attractiveness. I know that my partner seeing me upset made it even harder for them to get aroused, because stress just makes performance anxiety worse. What worked for us was finding other ways of having physical pleasure that didn't involve their penis. There are plenty of ways to have sex, and to cause pleasure. While it felt like a loss not to use their penis for a while, it made them less stress, and I still received physical pleasure from them. It wasn't the same, exactly, but it did help because I still felt connected to them.

My advice would be to communicate with your partner, before and during physical intimacy, and take it slow. Ask him what he would like. Are there things he's interested in that you haven't explored? Are there things he does like that you don't do as often? Ask yourself, too, what might bring your pleasure, and what might add more excitement or intimacy to your play.

You may also just have a higher sex drive. That can be problematic; I've encountered it with several partners. I never really found a solution to that, other than to accept my partner where they were at and respect their boundaries surrounding sex. I stopped pursuing it as much and that made it more natural and less stressful for my partners when it did happen.

Hope this helps. PM me if you need anything.


"Listen, bad things are going to happen. That's not negotiable. What is is how you deal with it."
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