[Storyteller.]

Hi Junior,

Thanks for reaching out. I know it can be daunting to ask for support or advice, especially if you're already in the kind of headspace where it feels like it wouldn't matter or that it's not worth talking about, so it's no small feat that you managed to make this thread. Even if things might seem overwhelming right now, you've taken a first step towards getting it all under control again, and that should be commended.

It sounds like there's a lot on your mind right now, which can make it difficult to work out which aspect to focus on first. Setting aside questions of self-worth and past trauma for a moment, I think it might be helpful to ask yourself a question: what would make you happy? This doesn't have to be a specific goal or outcome, such as becoming romantically involved with someone or finding a meaningful career; it can also include things such as feeling valued and respected by the people around you, or gaining new understanding of who you are as a person. It's also an ongoing process, one that's always in a state of flux, so it can be helpful to check in with yourself every now and then to see how you're feeling, how you want to feel, and how you can go about achieving that.

On that note, I understand that it can be disheartening and distressing to feel like you've drifted from who you were (or who you think you should be), but that's also one of the greatest experiences in life - being able to grow, and change, and learn. You're not the same person you were as a child, or last year, or yesterday, and that's the way it should be. You're growing into yourself, discovering and creating this new version of you. And if that version isn't the one you feel most comfortable with? You can change course. You can find new hobbies, pick up old ones again, connect and reconnect with people, create and recreate yourself over and over again until you feel comfortable being you.

If you feel like you need some time to yourself, there's nothing wrong with asking your loved ones for a bit of space. It's okay not to have the energy to interact with people all the time, especially when you're going through heavy things like what you've described here. The important thing is not to cut yourself off from them, which you do by ignoring their attempts to reach out. If you need to be alone, then communicate that with them; alternatively, if you think being alone might make things worse, you could try talking to them about what's going on. They can't help if they don't know what's going on, and isolating yourself isn't going to make anyone feel better. It can be scary to ask for help when you need it, but it can also be a strong step towards healing.

Also, if you're not already receiving professional support (for example by seeing a therapist) it might be worth looking into it. Connecting with the right mental health professional/s can make a huge difference when it comes to managing mental health issues or even just general life stress. And, despite what you may tell yourself, try to remember that you do deserve love. Everyone deserves to be loved, respected, and accepted for who they are, and to be around the people who bring out the best in them and encouraging them to become the best version of themself. No matter how hard things get or how low you may feel, that won't stop being true.

I hope this was helpful (or at least somewhat comforting), and please feel free to reply to this thread if you want to talk about things any further.