[Ennui.]

I’m sorry to hear that you are having conflicts with your friend right now!

Maybe it would help to give your friend time to cool down before approaching her again. It doesn’t have to be a long time, but just enough time for her to breathe. During this time it may help to think about why your friend may be feeling like this, such as if she feels frustrated that you didn’t take her support after talking to her about it.

I’d talk to her after the cool down period. If you’re not sure why she’s upset, let her know that you want to understand more about what’s going on and you’d like to know how she’s feeling. I’d let her know that you’re sorry for not taking her advice and recognize that this can feel frustrating (referring to the advice about the toxic friend). You can let her know you had no intention of hurting her or using her and let her know some ways that you can change things, such as by making sure she knows she can go to you for support too. Let her know you’re willing to set healthy boundaries with her and ask if you can come up with a solution together with her. Make sure that if you talk to her you use “I statements” like “I feel (emotion) when (action).” Don’t use “you statements” like “you make me feel (emotion)” because this can lead to defensiveness. Try not to be defensive when she speaks to you as well. Staying calm will help the situation.

If she doesn’t want to talk you can’t force her unfortunately. You can either try again at a later date (but don’t be pushy), or let things go. If worst comes to worst and she doesn’t want to repair the friendship, know that you at least made the effort and you still have the good memories with her. You won’t lose those. It’s okay to grieve the friendship and take time to process what’s happened. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that though!