[Butterscotch.]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out! I want to say that I understand how it's particularly upsetting you lost your virginity to this person not only because he deceived you, but you are a Christian and you have beliefs you want to stick as close to as you possibly can! You were able to forgive this person and everyone else who wronged you, and that's great. But you need to forgive yourself, that's the most important thing. I would suggest reaching out to your friends, family members, a trusted member of the community. Seek guidance and counseling so you can receive the closure you're looking for, and so you are able to forgive yourself.

I would suggest not speaking to this guy again. Just cut him off one hundred percent. I don't think keeping tabs on what he does in the community or online is doing you any good. On the contrary, it's only making matters worse. It's only making you feel worse about yourself, and this guy knows exactly what he did; and he doesn't even care. His thoughts are impure. I would not have been able to forgive him, because I am spiteful, I hold grudges; more importantly, I am not Christian. But you are, so embrace your religion and your community. Lean on them to support you, guide you, offer you counsel.

Do whatever it takes for you to forgive yourself.