[Moxie.]

Hey there,

I want to start off by saying that there is nothing wrong with feeling like this! Questioning and exploring your gender identity is completely normal.

While the feelings you've described may indicate that you're trans, that isn't necessarily the case. Gender is a spectrum and you can fall anywhere on that spectrum. For instance, you may find that you're gender-fluid or non-binary. Of course, you may also learn that you are trans. Whatever you discover about yourself is okay! One of the best ways to begin the process of self-discovery is through experimentation. For instance, you might alter your gender presentation by dressing in a more masculine style. If it feels affirming to you, you can even try having close friends use he/him pronouns or a different name when referring to you. Keep in mind that your safety is most important, so ensuring that you are in a safe environment and sharing with trusted people is vital.

Feeling like your family might deny you for being who you are is definitely challenging. Have your parents directly said things against the LGBTQ+ community? If they have, it might be safer to hold off on telling them about the journey that you are on with your gender identity. However, if you're not sure how they might react, you could try starting conversations with them about gender identity in general to gauge how they might react if you shared your experience with them. For instance, you could say "I heard someone at my school talking about what being trans means. What do you think about it?". By giving them the opportunity to talk about it, you'll have the opportunity to learn what their thoughts are on being trans/gender-fluid/non-binary without directly tying it to yourself. Once you have a better understanding of how they might react, you'll be able to decide if it feels safe to share anything with them.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is learning and living your truth. That being said, there is no timeline for figuring it out. Take your time to try out different forms of gender expression and figure out what feels most affirming for you. Whatever that looks like, it deserves to be celebrated.

Take care,
Sam