[Em0bxy]

So yesterday I had therapy at 4pm and I walk talking to my therapy about my SI. I got a little too honest and almost got sent to the hospital. I told her how I had no motivation to live anymore and how I was going to kill myself if one more thing that was stressful happened within the next three days. I told her how nothing was getting better, I told her everything that was suicide related in my mind. I'm starting a program similar to EMDR but for depression, and still I got a risk assessment, I saw the crisis clinician, and then we talked to the supervisor and I still almost got sent tot he ER, I didn't, but almost. It was horrifying. I couldn't go back there again. I would literally kill myself in the ward. I'd edited I'd do anything to die if that happened to me. But it didn't. Monday I have therapy again and if this weekend goes badly she said she might send me to the er but I'm not sure. I am hoping she doesn't because I'm literally missing my last day of school for this therapy appointment. I want to hurt myself but my boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I don't last longer than my longest time safe(8 weeks). So yeah, I can't go the er or he'll lose his shit too. I want to cut my wrists again, but I don't have my blades anymore, so yeah. AHHHH what do I do in this shitty position. my fingers are working faster than my brain so I'm sorry if I duplicated words or missed words or sum shit idek atp. I ai'nt reading over this again because I could care less.