[cherry!]

hello,, so. i have some issues,, and i would just like advice., :(

okay so, i have been having a lot of underwear issues due to the size of my privates, i have not found anything to measure with. yet,, but i have compared my soft size to a pringles can and i was longer and thicker (i think i have large balls too but i dont know what to compare to, sorry,,). but because of that it had gotten REALLY difficult . no normal kind of underwear we could find in stores for my age would fit, :/
i talked about this with my mom (ughhh, i wish i never had to) , and she went around looking to try get me underwear that was for adults and stuff, and she would try adjust the waist size some way. she really tried, but we never found anything good :< ,, i kept having the same issue where i’d tear through the crotch area of the underwear if i tried to really force my privates into them. (i could put up with them being not comfortable but they just broke so i cant even do that :/ )
this was when she started talking about how it cost so much to keep buying me these pairs of underwear that didnt work, and i started feeling really guilty.
so., i felt bad and i tried looking myself. and i asked about it on here and was told about wildmant underwear, so after a while (some months) when i felt not as nervous i went to ask my mom about ordering that online (this felt like the most embarrassing moment ever, it was these gray boxers named, like, something really gross :/ ?? so then she had a whole talk with me ,, sobbb)
but um,,, T-T she did do it!!
a while later they came, and , ,they didn’t fit me. same thing happened as the other normal boxers,, i felt awful because this was like. the biggest stuff there is. i had a bit of a growth spurt since the last time we tried normal boxers so i dont think mom thought this would happen.
but this was when she got really, really angry at me. or just angry about the money but it felt like it was at me??
she ordered like three pairs thinking that these would finally fit because theyre made for big privates, and its all i would need. which costed like around 100 dollars
so when i broke these ones she just said like. that she gives up. swearing and yelling and everything
,, she just kept yelling about how much money she wasted on this useless underwear all this time’, and she said some insults about me that she said sorry for later but ,, i still feel really awful about it,
but, even though shes sorry she has still told me that she can’t afford to try buy me anymore, knowing it wont work anyway. which,, im really nervous about having to go without underwear.
i told her how embarrassed i am of my size and things like that,, and she just told me i need to “embrace” it. comparing it to women with big boobs.
but i dont know how to embrace it or feel good about it i just,, feel so weird next to other boys at school. i never get changed in front of people and i never use urinals,, just toilet stalls.
i dont know. sorry for saying so much,, i just want to know if i should keep being secret about it. like would i be more normal for that? or would i be more normal for not caring even though its a lot different? because the other boys dont care. i dont know.!! how do i even feel good about it like it isnt a big deal!!!
right now i always wear really baggy pants to hide my bulge the best, which are fine but i can only wear them. and like harem pants and stuff.
id love to wear more feminine things (skirts look so cute!!) but i just cant because of my size down there,, but not even just feminine things id just like to wear other stuff, but im so worried about people seeing. i dont know what to do. feeling sad and worried. how do i start to feel normal about it?