[ThePunkAlien]

I'm sorry that I don't know what would help, cause I'm kinda going down the same road. Don't have easy access to alcohol at the moment, but when I do - just want to keep on drinking, wake up and take a drink, etc. Most drink to have fun with their friends, for me - it's self-medicating. I can say the most fucked up shit when I'm drunk - such as telling someone my cousin died without having any emotion tied to it. So rather than completely forgetting things, it just - I get to the point where it doesn't matter anymore, where I don't care. And I like that, not caring enough to feel. When I get to college I know I'm going to hit rock bottom this year.

I don't even know why I typed this, just guess to tell you that you're not alone.