Hey,
I know no amounts of sorry can ever take away what happened to you, and I know it can't make you feel any better at this point. For me, sorry never did a thing. Because it wasn't from the person who committed the crime - sorry never conforted me. What did comfort me was knowing that somewhere in this world there are people who care and people who would never hurt you the way this person did. There are people who understand and want to help because you're not alone in any of this. What also helped me is knowing that I'm under no time strain to do anything. Just like you're not. I realize everyone here will tell you to tell someone. To come forward and report this man - I won't tell you it's a bad idea. But it's a hard one nonetheless. Though, you should tell someone and you should do this for yourself most of all - I know how hard it is to even remember that something like rape did happen. So I want you to take your time and not push yourself any further than you can. It will be hard, but coming forward is worth it. It can open many more doors to heal for you than staying quiet will. We all heal in our own paces. In our own ways. Some people need to forgive while others need to forget. The way you heal is unique to yourself and it isn't wrong so long as it's healthy.
There is no action to really help you feel better. I'm sorry to say it won't come over night, but with work and time it can get easier. It can get better. For now, I suggest relaxing and treating yourself to special treatment. The one thing you can't do is give up, because then all hope is gone. It's gone for healing, gone for coping, gone for ever getting the person who hurt you. So please don't kill yourself because that will get you no where. That will let the person who has harmed you win, and he has no right to. You can do this, it just takes time to admit to yourself that this happened. It takes time to accept that things will change, but they don't need to get worse. So, yes, I think you should speak about this. Whether it be to us, to a journal or someone you love - don't hold it in. Believe in yourself because we all do. Take care and remember to
PM me if you need anything.
Have hope,
-Melissa