[collegegirl]

I'm scared of being happy. It's been so long, I don't even remember what it was like anymore. I'm so much more comfortable when I'm depressed.
I wish I could stop remembering. I wish that every time I close my eyes, I won't relive the last 4 months.
I'm still in love with him.
I don't believe in God, but I pray that He will kill me.
I wish I had never given her my journal.
I'm one of the most selfish people on this planet. I don't deserve anyone to love me, but they do. And I don't understand.
I wish I knew how to pull the blade out of my razor. It's killing not to be able to cut myself. I've resorted to starving myself.
I'm stuck in this miserable life because of two friends who aren't even my friends anymore.

Every day, I wish I were dead. But I can't die. I can't kill myself, and I'm not getting better, so I have to live the rest of my life like this. I can't imagine it.