Nobody will ever truly understand how much you took from me. You may have been the guy to take my true virginity, and the guy who I fell in love with. You're also the guy who reminded me why there is no point in being happy if everything will just hurt again in the end.
But what nobody, even you, even a higher power, even my soon-to-be fiance...will never know...is just how damaged I will always be because you drained my heart of all excitement and want for life.
After you broke my heart, you continued to rub it in over and over, blaming me for your cheating, for your fears that I always comforted.
You stole my soul and left me with an empty heart. I barely feel excitement. I rarely feel confident in any relationship.
I listen to you now, whining about how lonely you are...how sad you are you let me go.
But the saddest part about all of this...is that it was never ME you wanted, just SOMEone...anyone. I wasted my soul and very being on someone who didn't care for ME...
I'm living for my family and boyfriend. Will a child give me more reason? Or...or will I just not feel toward it either?
...I'm going to cut even though I've been free for months now...and I've been starving myself...not exactly on purpose...but its the only damn thing I can control anymore
yet I know it's controlling ME...there's no way to win...
I'm giving in