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Re: Sort of want an eating disorder. -
July 19th 2010, 12:02 AM
Hey there,
It sounds as though you are already in the mindset of an eating disorder. I cannot diagnose you, but having been there myself, I can tell you that the thoughts you are having are basically what an eating disorder suffer experiences.
What I gathered from your initial post is that this is your alternative to self-harm. Do you know why you used to self-harm? Was it for the same reasons as restricting your eating - relieving stress? Dealing with damaged relationships (your mother, perhaps)?
What do you mean when you say you do things in public when you write? What kinds of things, and how does your writing correlate with these actions? Writing can be very therapeutic, I think. It can be good to get your thoughts down on paper.
You're not weird for thinking this way. I've found it to be very difficult to shake eating disordered thoughts without support. Is there someone you can talk to, someone you know who won't judge? It is true what Esther says about the illness controlling you. After a while, it completely consumes you. It is much easier to recover if you get help early on, before it has a chance to do so. Believe me, this is not a road you want to go down.
Take care! xx
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