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Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
October 23rd 2011, 11:38 PM
I want him to notice that whenever I eat dinner, I always take a shower afterward. I want him to notice that I cry before dinner if we're going out somewhere. I want him to realize that I skip breakfast and I always have extra cash because I don't spend my lunch money. I want him to notice that my cheeks are swollen and I call myself fat all the time. I want him to notice that clothes that use to fit don't anymore. I want him to stop me before I can't stop myself. I'm more concerned with not gaining any weight rather than losing it, and sometimes I'm normal. Sometimes I don't care about eating, it's fine. But when I get an urge, it's terrible. I can't control myself. I don't care who hears me or suspects anything, I run up to the bathroom and bring everything back up. I've done it at home, at familys' houses, at friends' houses, at school, at the mall, at the movie theater. I want her to notice that whenever I eat something at lunch I push myself harder in gym next period. I want her to notice that I always weigh myself when we're in the weight room. I want her to notice that I only weigh myself when no one else is around me. I want her to realize that when I tell her to hit the ball, or birdie, whatever we're doing, to make it go far enough that I have to run a lot, that I hide the fact that I'm out of breath so she'll do it again and again. I want it to be a friend who confronts me, not the girl in my gym class who threatens to tell the nurse every time I come back into the locker room out of breath and can't catch it for a few minutes. I want a friend to prove to me that they care enough to stop me.
I don't want to do this but I'm trapped.
Someone, anyone. Please, help me.
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