[jhor]

Sometimes I completely zone out. When I zone out, my vision goes blurry and it feels like i'm in an astronaut's suit. All I can here is my breathing and muffled sounds of whatever's going on around me. It's almost like I'm disconnected from my body, because sometimes I have all these thoughts racing around my mind, but I'm not paying any attention to them. But then again, sometimes, I don't think anything. I never feel anything whilst in this state.

I used to get this feeling where I felt numb, and like I was unreal. It's happened to me since I was 3 or 4. Obviously, I understand it a bit more now then I did then, but not much. It still happens at events like parties, or recitals, Or any time I've a lot of excitement. (I've associated it with my mind cutting off when there's too much emotion for it to handle, but that's not what I'm asking about). I'm bringing that up to say that as similar as these feelings are - including the astronaut part - this feels a little different. This is like I'm controlling it, and I can snap out of it whenever I want to.

What frustrates me about the numb feeling is the lack of control. It gives me a really strong urge to self-harm in attempt to snap out of it and wake myself up. But this new feeling hardly ever gives me any urge to self harm (sometimes randomly, but very rarely), and I find it kind of nice. To like, not have to think anything or feel anything for a little while. I find myself doing this in stressful situations, or when an uncomfortable thought comes on. I know that you need to learn to cope with those things, but this is a way of coping. It's like my body & mind don't think it's necessary to try and combat certain feelings - cutting of is rather peaceful.

So, my question - Is there really anything wrong with cutting off those emotions? Can it really be of any harm?