[Katrina]

Firstly, I have to send over a hug to you for being honest.

Second, I echo what Sammi says. Addictions are hard to overcome, period, but even so, this one sounds incredibly unhealthy, and we gotta find something else that works for you. I'm wondering what caused you to start watching these videos, and I'm wondering if you can pinpoint any reason behind why you watch them. Often, combating the reason behind the action can work more effectively that combating the action itself (which will, in turn, be combated as well), and if you were to seek counseling (which I highly encourage you to do), this might be one of the things they would work with you on.

Have you ever thought about looking into any kind of group support or group therapy for addictive behaviors? It'd be a little bit different than one-on-one therapy because everyone in the room would be in a similar spot, AND because you'd likely not be disclosing quite as much as you'd would be disclosing if you were in an individual therapeutic relationship.

It sounds to me, Beth, like you're really wanting to get help with this monster you're fighting, right now, but that you're scared of the consequences of what that might be are. This addiction seems like a very suffocating thing, though, and you DESERVE help. Things certainly aren't going to change on their own - you have to be willing and open to change, and its SO important that you start taking small steps to change, whether (as I was mentioning before), that's combating the action or the reason behind it.

A few questions that I want to leave you with (that you don't necessarily have to answer here, but I'd love to hear back from you if you do) are these: What can you do that you enjoy when you get urges to watch these videos, Beth? If you stopped watching them, what kind of positive effects would it have on your life? What kind of changes would you be seeing in yourself?

I hope things work out for you. I'm going to move your thread to Addictive Behaviors, where I think you'll be able to receive more replies. (: Take good care of yourself.