[Stargazed.]

I don't know what I expect to get from this. I've been debating writing this all day. I think I just need some support.

I graduated high school on June 7th last year and I was so excited to start university. Well, anxiety got the best of me and I deferred my enrollment to the spring 2012 semester. So as the months went on, I started getting depressed because I was in the house everyday, all day. I did absolutely nothing from the hours of 8am, when I woke up, til 4pm when my boyfriend got home from work. I felt very alone and isolated. I was anticipating university to be a wonderful experience. Until I got that phone call. My dad took a bottle of pills as an attempted suicide. My world shattered and I grew closer to my mom and I just didn't want to go anywhere.

I deferred enrollment to fall 2012 but I decided that I couldn't stay in the house all alone for so many hours, every single day for that long. So I signed up for community college.. and I start tomorrow.

I'm incredibly nervous. I'm sure I'm going to get lost. I'm sure that people are not going to like me. I'm scared that I'm not going to have any more of a social life than I do right now. I'm scared of people seeing my scars and shunning me. I don't know why I'm so freaking nervous but I am. And I probably will stay nervous until I either graduate or transfer to another college or university.

I don't know what to do. When I get nervous, I SH. I'm eleven weeks SH free (as of Friday) and I don't want to break that. I want to stay SH free for as long as possible, if not forever.

I'm sorry. I know there are so many more important people to help and I'm just taking away from that. I just.. need support. I need to be reassured that I can get through this. Even if I can't.