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My depression and anxiety is costing me :(
Hello. I know I said I had left and wouldn't be coming back anytime soon, but things aren't getting better, they are getting worse. I have a hard time talking to people because I feel they don't like me or they will judge me. I ignore the people I am living with because I am afraid of what they may say to me. My fathers girlfriend doesn't make this any better. I can feel the tension whenever she is around. She gets loud, she screams, she swears, she comes onto my father about stuff, etc. I know she is going through a lot with her health, but is there really a need for all this?
My father wants me to go back to my mothers. The very reason why I joined TH is to get away from her and now my father wants to me go back because I am pissing off her girlfriend, even though almost EVERYTHING pisses her off. The line has been drawn with my father. I know he doesn't want to lose his girlfriend, but he is quickly losing his son. I need help, I want to see a phych, but he shoots it down because it is "too expensive". For fuck sake! I helped him pay off some of his debt and paid $7100 for his fucking girlfriends car! I did this in June and I was expecting $8100 in return in July, but no. He change the original agreement. When I confronted him about it, he said he'll pay me back in installments, and if I don't like it, then get out. Now He does have the means to pay me back, however, I am sick and tired of all these changes that leave me with the short end of the stick, as well as the threats that come with it. I'm just waiting for some of the coins that I bought, to magically become his girlfriends coins, because it is his girlfriend, and if she wants them, then she gets them. Maybe I'm in the wrong, idk. But I don't feel I'm being treated properly. I never thought my father would do this. If I can't trust my father, who I've trusted my whole life, then who can I trust? This is one of the reason why I have so much hatred bottled up inside me. People abused me, but when I have something of value, they use me, and when that value is gone, they go right back to abusing me. He knows how bad it is over at my mothers, but he wont lose his girlfriend, no matter what. I will admit, I have a bad attitude, I really do. However, I get it from my parents. I like being online because I am able to express myself. There more to it, but I've typed enough for one post. I am sorry for making this so long and I'm sorry if it turned into a rant :( |
Re: My depression and anxiety is costing me :(
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first of all, dont let what other people may/may not think about you stop you from being who you are, and dont let them make you feel bad, if you have an issue with them (eg your dads girlfriend) say something, if you say to your dad, tell him how you feel about the whole situation with his girlfriend then he may surprise you and listen and about the psych treatment stuff (i presume thats what you meant :P) if you cant afford it then i am sure there will be a local drop in session/support group type thing somewhere in your area or in a local city, if that is a suitable substitute if he is constantly giving you the short end of the stick even though you have been helping him then stop helping him, it may make you feel a lot better if you start doing things for yourself :) if you feel like you have to get away from him and do not want to go to your mothers is there any other family you could stay with, older sibling, aunt/uncle/grandparents and as a final note - what is the internet if you cant express your feelings on it :) hope this helps and either way i wish you the best of luck with this situation you are in |
Re: My depression and anxiety is costing me :(
Hey, Ryan!
I'm glad that even though you left, you still came back for support/advice here. You're certainly welcome to do so. And no worries about it turning out to be a "rant". Everyone needs to be able to open up about their feelings and frustrating things they're going through. There's nothing wrong with that, so no need to apologize. :) I'm very sorry about how your dad is treating you. I can completely understand why you'd be so upset with him. You helped him out with loans for his girlfriend's car, then suddenly he wants you to go live with your mother again instead of paying back the loan that you really need for a psychiatrist. That's really not right of him to do. Jacob is right, it may be a good idea to talk to him about how all of this is making you feel. Explain how you've trusted him and turned to him, but now you feel as you can't trust him with the way you're being treated. There's always a chance he'll listen, and if he doesn't, you can at least say that you tried. Explain how you feel exactly as you did here and that you really need to see a psychiatrist for your depression. Everyone makes mistakes, even those closest to us that we trust. That's why I think explaining how all of this is affecting you and giving him another chance might be good because you deserve to have supportive, caring parents in your life. Family's supposed to help each other, just how you helped your dad with the debt and the car for his girlfriend. I really don't think you're in the wrong. It's possible that his current girlfriend is causing him to be this way seeing as she gets onto him a lot. Maybe he feels as he needs to tend to her every need which gets in the way of being a father to you. If that's the case, then I highly doubt that was his intentions. Sometimes it happens and parents just aren't aware of how it affects their children. I hope this helped. You're free to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to! I don't mind. In the meantime, just remember that while you're in quite a tough spot right now, things will be better eventually. Just hang in there, okay? You've got us at TeenHelp here for support so you don't have to do any of this alone. Stay strong. :) |
Re: My depression and anxiety is costing me :(
hello ryan :hug: i'm sorry that you've had to go through so much. But i know that however other people judge you... is probably wrong. I believe that you are really a nice person. I think that you are a nice person to talk to, and you probably are . Just ignore the haters. They dont know just how good of a person you are. And i think that you should have more confidence in yourself because i think that no one should doubt themselves.
Also, i believe that you should talk to your father about how the both of you are always going to be family, and that you'll always be his son. :) i know that he's under a lot of stress at the moment, but i believe that he still truly loves you. I just think that certain circumstances has forced him to make some very irrational decisions. But i think that if the both of you try your hardest to make it work, you can make it through with him. I know that it's been tough.. but things will get better for you. :hug: i'll always be here if you want someone to rant to, or just a friend. :) |
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