TeenHelp - dating and depression

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dating and depression

so i'm dating this girl who's by far amazing. she's so sweet, and just more more. but my depression has kicked into full drive. i keep thinking im doing everything wrong. for example. my girlfriend had surprised me at work. she texted me and said "come to the Christmas decoration, i need your help" and i thought she was texting her mom, then just said something about "come help" and i thought she was high haha because i didn't think she was at my work, and so i called her and she said she was at my work and i had little time to react, so i found her and gave her a head..and i was trying to figure out what to say and nothing would come out and i was trying to say thank you to her friend for driving her over here and no words were coming out. just froze up, and so i said i had to go back to work and i had two panic attacks after that and then i felt really embarrassed about everything, so i got home and texted her saying "i'm just depressed sorry" and she said "why are you depressed, (my name). " and then that made me feel 10x worse because i thought she was mad at me or annoyed.

she knows about my depression, and she usually handles it pretty well. she usually very supportive and everything. but when she texted me that, i felt i fucked up everything.

i have a lot of irrational fears, and with peoples certain reaction, i think the worst. and she hasnt texted me back. i had explained that my depression cant be helped. i'm trying so hard not to fuck up this relationship with my depression. she makes me so happy and has made me realize my life worth living. it's just my depression hits at the worst times, and im scared i'm going to run her off with it. she said she's going to stick around no matter what, but im so use to people leaving that im just expecting it...

this is the first relationship, i've been in since 2013... so it's been awhile since ive dated someone, and i really want to make this work but im scared with my depression, she's gonna get tired of it.

ive tried going to therapy, tried pills and nothing has worked.. i cant afford to go back to therapy...its just too expensive and i have little money to spend.

so how can i make this relationship work without running her off?

Re: dating and depression

:hug: Hello Meris.

I think it's not your fault if anything happens, because you are just going through a lot, and she'll support you if she's truly a nice girlfriend. :) :hug: Nothing wrong with that... there'll be times where she'll support you, and there's going to be times where you support her. Love and relationships at its core ..

is a give and take kind of thing.

And i think this relationship is going to work out well :) :hug: One reason is because she's concerned about you, and sometimes she's just taking more time to reply cause she's thinking about your sake. :) She doesn't seem like the kind that will abandon you, and the way she makes you happy only reaffirms that. :hug: But .. if you really fear running her off...

It's best to also use other means to express your feelings, such as a diary to help document and think about what you go through, but remember to write it in a positive way.. there's no reason to doubt yourself.. your past experiences are what caused your depression, and it's time for you to let them go. This is a proven theory because when you doubt yourself a lot (thinking that you 're doing everything wrong is one sign of that ) you make more mistakes. So just believe in yourself, and not overthink everything. I know that you care a lot about other people and her , and that alone shows compassion.

That compassion is going to hold things together, and fortunately i see an infinite amount of it in you.

:hug: I also think that it's good if you got into music ,books and other calming habits that will help you relax your mind. Nothing beats a good book when you wanna relax and de-stress! :hug:

If you need any more advice or just need a friend to rant to, I'll always be around. Rant to me anytime!

Re: dating and depression

Hey,

Firstly, when she said "why are you depressed" I don't think she meant it to be an accusation, it sounds like she was just trying to understand what was happening. If she is usually supportive then I don't think she would suddenly turn against you and start being rude. She sounds really amazing and I'm so glad you think so highly of her. You said you are used to people leaving you, but by the sounds of it she sounds different as she is supportive. That sounds like she isn't planning on leaving any time soon. I know it is going to be hard but you need to try trusting her a little bit more than you are already, maybe try telling her what you are feeling and if there is a reason behind it, like when she asks why are you depressed, you could tell her to help her understand a bit more. That way she can help you and understand what makes you feel depressed.

Remember it isn't your fault when the depression gets triggered, you are trying your best and I'm sure your girlfriend will understand that. When you feel depressed, try writing out how you are feeling in a diary, or even in the blog section of TeenHelp, to let out your emotions. When I was struggling it certainly helped me, so I'm hoping it helps you as well. It also means that your girlfriend can help understand more of what is happening inside of your head if you don't feel able to tell her verbally, you can show her the diary. When you feel like everything is falling apart, just take care of yourself and try and be nice to yourself. It s important that you take care of your own feelings as well as looking out for others. If you feel like you are bothering someone, ask and don't just assume that that is what is happening. It could be completely different to what you think.

Believe in yourself and I'm sure it will all work out. When you feel like you can't do that, remember you have a girlfriend who cares for you and will support you. I hope everything works out and you grow stronger as a couple.

All the best,
Hilary

Re: dating and depression

The most important thing to remember here is that you are not your Depression. You are not depressed, you have Depression, which means you are a wonderful human being and someone who deserves a healthy relationship and a kick-ass sidekick in life regardless of whether you have your condition. You should also remember that although these sorts of circumstances can put stress on a relationship, the only way you can know that for sure is to talk to your partner and ask her how she feels about the veins of your relationship together, so have an honest conversation with her and make sure you are not guessing because you could honestly be guessing all day.