TeenHelp - Lonely

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- Loneliness (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f540-loneliness/)

- - Lonely (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f540-loneliness/t151316-lonely/)

Recently I have been in a weird head space, and this specific thing just send me over the edge.

So yesterday one of my very good friends was gone from school, but I still had a few people I could sit by at lunch. But, the few people were either also gone or bailed on me, so I was completely alone. I didn't eat anything, and just went to the band hall and sat for a good half an hour alone.

This is probably something most pf you have gone through, and it's happened to me too, but this time it was different. I felt like nobody really actually liked me, and that I was useless. That was me totally overthinking everything again, but that is genuinely how I felt. I didn't tell anyone, and was very quiet for the rest of the day. A few people noticed, which made me feel a little better, that some people actually care about my emotions. But I kept my distance from everyone that day, because I felt I didn't deserve anyone.

Right now, I'm feeling lonely. It's almost the end of the school year, which is great! But, that doesn't mean these feelings aren't totally consuming me. Any tipson how to feel better?

Hey Danielle,

I remember going through something very similar when I was in middle school. I had just moved, had no friends, and was turned down every time I asked a classmate if I could sit with them at lunch on my first day. I definitely understand the feelings of loneliness, self-doubt, and isolation that those situations can bring.

Have you talked to your other friends about why they weren't around at lunch? If you don't want to bring up the way it made you feel, that's perfectly fine. Instead, you can simply say something like "I missed you at lunch yesterday! What were you up to?". It's possible that they had something to do, such as meeting with a teacher or finishing up an assignment. I'm willing to bet that the reason has nothing to do with you and hearing reinforcement of that from your friends (even if it's not direct) might help you feel better about things.

It's understandable that you're starting to feel a sense of loneliness as the end of the school year approaches. It can be tough from going to seeing your friends 5 days a week to not being sure when you'll be able to spend time with them. Perhaps you could talk to your friends about not wanting to lose touch with them over the summer and try to set up a regular time for all of you to hang out. For example, you could set a standing coffee date with them for every Tuesday to ensure that, no matter what else you're all up to this summer, you have that time to spend with each other and catch up. If physically seeing each other weekly isn't an option, you can also try to set up a weekly Skype date or phone call with your friends.

While feeling lonely can happen, try to remember that your friends genuinely care about you. I'm sure they feel very lucky to have you as a part of their lives. :)

Take care,
Sammi

I've been there! Surrounded by hundreds of people and so alone -- because I didn't know how to connect with any of them.

That made me anxious to be there, like I just wanted to hide, which was hard. I found one way to hide was to just keep walking. Walking made me invisible. Well, I didn't have to talk to anyone if I was busy going somewhere.

Anyway. Depression. Anxiety. Eventually needed medication for it.

I keep myself well now by going to support groups, see a counselor, engage in activities where I'll be with people. And, I studied topics that help me connect with other people and have conversations with them:

Body Language
Facial Expressions
Small Talk
Question Bank - have a few canned questions to ask people. Mine are: Time: past, present, future. "What did you do <today yesterday, last weekend>"
"What are you doing?"
"Do you have any plans for <this afternoon, this evening, tomorrow, this weekend?>"

Ice Breakers: "Hi, my name is <>. What's your name?"

Robot Phrases: "Hi, how are you?"
"Fine. How are you?"
"Fine."

that's an example of a script that people just go through for no apparent reason but it's expected. also an example of reciprocation, where you answer the question, and then reciprocate by asking the same back.

Took me a while to learn that but it soon became automatic once it was pointed out to me.

And the final topic which helped quite a lot in the long run was meditation. you can also do yoga, tai-chi, qi-gong, even golfing is somewhat focusing one's mind and relaxing. I suggest try the Headspace app. After a couple months anxiety decreases, making it easier to socialize.

I tend to get easily overwhelmed by too many people or too much stimulation, so I need some quiet time to unwind. I need balance. I'm still trying to figure out where to go to meet people, since loud places people usually go for that kind of thing just aren't for me, and quiet places like a library well people don't talk much.