TeenHelp - Triggering (Suicide): how to

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- - Triggering (Suicide): how to (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t162372-how/)

I'm trying to figure out how to kill myself without hurting others. Hurting my mother and friends is the only reason why I am still alive. But now I started devising some plans what to do. I was thinking I can tell my grandma on the phone I have gone to the US on a last-minute job offer and I can't visit her anymore or something like this. She would believe. The main problem is my mother. I live with her so she would know the truth. I don't know how to convince her that if I die I will be in a better place than now.

Yes, I am on medicine, yes, I've heard countless times that it gets better (5 years of therapy and antidepressants, it's only got much much worse).

Hi Sue,

I am so sorry that you have been feeling like this for a while and I hope that you will be okay soon. You are a lovely person, I'm so glad that you are on staff with us. I always enjoy talking to you about everything. Everyone would miss you if anything happened to you. You always do a lovely job on teenhelp.

When we have been taking medication and talking to someone for a while, sometimes we may need to change what we have been taking because it is not working like it did in the beginning. Also when we are talking to someone, we feel it is not helpful, can you try letting our doctor know and see if you can get something else to help you to fell better again and ask who you are talking to and let them know how you have been feeling. If you are not able to talk about this face to face then would you be able to try writing a letter and then give it to them. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of :hug: to help you.

What to do if medication isn't working? I've been taking a big dose for more than two weeks and it's not helping. Actually, everything is getting worse. My life has gone to complete shit. If medications aren't working, there's nothing that can help.

Hey Sue,

First of all I agree with Emmie - you're such an amazing presence on TH and you're so appreciated here. You deserve to feel better than you do, and I wish I could give you the answers you need to feel better in life. But I do think it's worth you fighting this. You're a kind, skilled and caring person and I know the fight is hard and it feels like an uphill battle, but you are worth it. I hope one day you can see that for yourself.

Medication is definitely not the only thing that can help. Sometimes it's easy to see it as a quick fix, but every single human is different, which means every brain is different and requires different tools to help it cope. I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor about your medication and seeing if there is anything they can do. It might be that they can try something else, or a different dose, or offer you support outside of medication such as therapy which can help. Again, nothing is going to make all of this go away over night, and I know it's hard to find the motivation when it seems that nothing has worked so far, but it is worth it.

I agree with Emmie that talking to people is a good idea. I think that no matter what you were to do, or tell people, hurting yourself or worse would hurt the people who love you regardless. There's no way to do that without causing pain to those around you. Obviously in the long run, finding reasons to live for yourself is the goal, but I think the fact you have family who care for you is a good start in finding reasons to stay alive. Perhaps you could make a list of other good or positive things in your life as well as them which give you reasons to stay alive too. They don't have to be huge things, but little events or things which make you smile, or help you get out of bed in the morning. For me, dogs are a good one, or seeing the way the fog looks in the morning, or a package I've ordered which is being delivered. They can be anything, but any reason is a good enough reason to stay alive.

If you ever want to talk you're always free to message me. I hope you're getting through today.

Everything fills me with a horrific, paralysing fear.

Hi Sue, how are you feeling now?

I hope you were able to figure something out with medication and are now speaking to a mental health professional.

Remember, you are worth it and you deserve to receive support just as much as anyone else. :hug:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stardust. (Post 1375091)

Jenna,

thank you for asking.
I am feeling slightly better. I've been taking a pretty big dose of medication for almost two months. I've been thinking that I should take an even bigger dose, but since I'm already not on a small one, I'm reluctant to do so.
I'm not great because sometimes I still have very depressed days, when I call off everything. I have resigned from my studies (again) and I can't have a stable job because of it. I believe that shouldn't be so given that I'm on meds.
I attend psychotherapy online once every two weeks (it's free so I can't get it more often) and I tried to find a good psychotherapist for regular stationary sessions - in vain so far.