TeenHelp - Triggering (Suicide): I need out

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- - Triggering (Suicide): I need out (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t165998-i-need-out/)

So I've been suicidal since fifth grade, when I got sexually abused and jumped twice. Now I'm going into eighth grade, and I'm still suicidal. 38 minutes ago, I tried to commit suicide. I'm contemplating not telling my therapist about it. I'll end up at the ER, and my family doesn't need that. Since mine is at a PHP/IOP program, they'll put it in as a PCP, so I'll have to be inpatient. None of my suicide attempts have knocked any sense into me that it's not the way. Like, I KNOW it's not the way, but it's fucking easier than anything else. I might try again tbh. I wish suicide could be painless, like a prick of a needle when you're getting a shot, but it's not. And at this point, I don't even care. I just need out of this world. This world is a motherfucking cruel place. I can't take it anymore. I need out, I feel like a dog in a kennel who has the zoomies, I can't keep up, I want out...I NEED out...should I tell my therapist...?

I know you don't want to end up in the ER, but telling is important. Your family would rather have you alive and receiving help, even if it's from a hospital, versus having a dead child. You're right, it is easier, but you have to put in the work anyway. I'm not saying that you're putting in no effort, but in order to get to a place where suicide isn't the first answer on the table, you have to work for it. I highly recommend a DBT program for helping with this.

I hope you will be okay with everything going on and others can help you to feel better.