Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Please don't be spiteful, Laura. I'm going to give my best shot at these but you have to remember I'm not a professional, ok?

1. I hate myself so much, seriously, like...I really do and I wish that I'd succeeded last night but unfortunately I didn't...*sigh*

What is it about yourself that you hate? Is it something you can fix? Are there things you could do with yourself to make yourself have more faith in you? There are things more productive than suicide. For example, when I feel like shit, I either post on TH about what's bugging me, or I talk to someone. Sometimes, there no one to talk to because my problems (like yours, and everyone's sometimes) can be.. hard to talk about. When that happens, I draw or scribble or tear up paper. I feel like I'm doing something, and my ability to handle the situation safely makes me feel better about myself.. and hate myself less.

2. I hate the way that I keep having flashbacks from the past, and they won't leave me.

Have you considered getting professional therapy for flashbacks? I think there are also hotlines in your area for abuse victims that could direct you to the resources you could use to help with this.

3. I'm so emotional, the slightest things keep upsetting me and i'm having problems with my temper lately, i've noticed that...

Me too, lol. Sometimes we're anxious and moody, and we take it out on other people. And then they get mad at us and we get mad and they get resentful and so do we.. and it's a cycle and anger and confusion. You have to break the cycle and explain to people, calmly, that you're upset and you need help. There are also breathing exercises (I love these.. lol) and if it's on the computer, one thing I do to allieviate the effects of my moodiness is say "brb" and go walk around and think about what's going on. I can be very hot-headed, and sometimes just a break and a deep breath and an acknowledgement is the best thing I can do.

4. I'm getting freaked out with 'him'. He won't leave, at all...

I've posting on your thread about him, mutliple times. Have you read my adivce there? If not, I'll sum it up for you. You need to tell him/reaffirm to yourself why you're alive and remind yourself that only you are allowed to make decisions about your life like this, and for him to pressure you in your mind is not right and you just have to ignore it and get therapy, because honestly, it's not good to have dead people talking in your head. It's something that trained profesisonaled are equipped to deal with.. and we are not those people. We can't help you.. you need to find professional help. Try asking your school counselor?

5. I hate everyone...really, I do. Please don't take that personally either, I just can't trust anyone...I can't.

If you have trust issues, it's probably because lots of terrible things happened to you before this. And those issues are one of the many things you need to work on helping yourself overcome. No one said it would be easy.

6. I'm paranoid, to the extremes where I'm sitting in the corner of my room right now, next to the window, and I keep looking out there because I'm convinced someone is going to come and kill me.

No one is going to come and kill you. And if it makes you so nervous, why not move away from the window and take a deep breath. I don't really know what to tell you except that you should get professional help. I wish I were better informed about directing you to it-- that's one of the things that I personally need to work on doing. Why not make a thread on TH about "how can I find professional help in my area"? I bet someone will know better then myself.

7. I miss everyone I've lost, and I know nothing will bring them back, but I'm finding it hard to move on.

You're not alone on this one. Dealing with death is one of the hardest things we have to deal with. Why don't you look into coping techniques are reaffirm your goals in your life, so you will be less tempted to feel that you have nothing to live for, ok?

Laura, I know. It's hard, but you have to make the effort to make it better, ok? Overwhelmingly, I feel like you need professional help and I feel my limitations as a THer by writing this post :-/

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Wow, Edna that was really awesome of you.
Read it Laura, it could help.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Mhmm...
I'm gonna go...thanks, and sorry

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

listen, I've seen you give good advice to other people. If you wanna use a technique that I do read your thread like it's somebody that has the problem, what advice would you give them?

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

*sigh*
I'm a hypocrite.

I know what I want to say right now, but I don't know how to word it.
I'd try and help others, but there's no point in me anymore..

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Let your point be helping others, for now.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

I can't stop shaking, crying...i can't stop hyperventilating. I'm having like some major breakdown, I don't even know what i'm doing here. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm cracking up, seriously. Why the hell am I here! :'(

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

You're here to help others, to fulfill your goals, and to make the world a better place.

You're here for your family, and your friends. You're here to pursue the things that interest you and make the best out of the personal gifts you've got. And I can't help but tell you, again, that you're here on teenhelp to get help for yourself and I think you need to go the extra step and get professional help, again, because it could give you the direction you need in life and help you use your skills and expand your interests in a healthy way.

You're here for a reason. You are.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

I don't feel like I should be here...I feel like..idk anymore...

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

you should be here!!!

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

you really think....

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

yes I honestly do, your a great person and a great friend (I think I have ocd because I keep repeating myself so much :P)

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Sorry. no, really, I am.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

I'm sorry that I joined back in October. I'm sorry that, all I ever did was moan. I'm sorry that I haven't helped any of you. I feel like I'm not good enough for any of you, or myself. I'm sorry that, I rejoined...and I'm sorry that I've opened up to you all. Sorry you feel that i've ignored you, or been horrible to you in any way. I did not intend to hurt anyone, though I do feel i've gotten slightly out of hand. I'm sorry if you think I'm a bitch, an attention seeker, a stubborn, ignorant cow. Maybe I am. I can't apologise anymore, but I am truly sorry, and I hope you're all okay.
Take care x

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

To everyone who has my MSN/Mobile Number/Facebook/Myspace/whatever...
Please delete them. You won't be needing them anymore, I can assure you...
So umm, yeah. That's that..

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

plwase don't go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean it, you do help people on here and your important to ME, don't I matter?

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Laura, sweetheart, please don't do it. I just read all your posts on this thread. Please don't do it.

I only wish you could see the person that I see. That Robin, and Cody, and all your other friends on here see. You're beautiful, inside and out. You're one of the sweetest, kindest, best people I've ever met. You really add to our lives, and we want you to stay with us. We'll stay up with you all night if that's what it takes. We really love you. Please stay with us. You're the farthest thing from a bad person that you could be. You're a wonderful girl. We need you here with us, please don't leave. You can have a happy, long life, and you deserve one.

I care so, so, so much about you, and it would hurt so much if you left. I really do love you as a friend, and I will always be here for you. You're one of the good things in my life, please don't go.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Yesterday was a mistake. Like the day before, the day before that, even the day before that...and so on...but, today things have changed. I don't know why they changed, or how they changed, but I don't feel as depressed as I have been feeling. The comment Talia wrote, I wouldn't have listened yesterday. I would have insisted that she didn't mean it, that everyone hated me...you get the picture? But, the truth is I think she's right. I think you're all right, with one exception but lets not point out who that is, aha. :]

Anyway, so I don't remember last night to be honest, so if I hurt/offended any of you then I sincerely apologise. I got told by someone today about last night, it sounded pretty meh, but ahh well, life goes on, right? So, umm, yeah. I forget what I was going to write...hmm...

I went on a college trip today, to see Slumdog Millionaire. It was so good, really, it was amazing. I nearly ended up crying, and I don't cry at films at all...lol. As I was watching it, idk...it made me realise that life isn't so bad. Watching what happened in the film, it made me realise that I actually have a pretty good life, considering...
I know it was only a movie but it opened my eyes a bit more...and yeah...

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

now i want to see the movie!!
glad your feeling better hug

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

lol I didn't think it look that good really, but it was soooo sad, and it's advertised as a 'feel good' film, but its really hard and upsetting actually. See, I DID listen to the introductary speech from my media teacher XD

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

lol for once... :P

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

haha, indeed!

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

:o spoil my happy mood!
Stupid parents...pfft...
Okay, so last August we went camping, and met a really nice family. We kept in touch with them, and now they want us to go down to Kent for a camping meet up kinda thing with them. I don't mind, coz they really were lovely, but the thing is, they've booked theirs for 13th-18th April, so now my parents are doing the same and its not fair! Because, my birthday is on the 19th April, and my friends is on the 18th so I can't go out for her birthday and on my birthday we'll just be fricking travelling home! Oh my god...its my 18th as well! and they won't leave me at home, because they don't trust me anymore and I know i'll be an adult, but seriously, they won't let me. Grrr! What do I do? :[

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

:( hugs
stay with a friend over that period of time?

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Pfft, I now find myself asking the question what friends? aha.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

i'd say me but i live tooooo far away

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

I'd say come over here but since we live in two different countries I'd say that would be really hard to acomplish :P . So I'll suggest asking them to let you stay home for the trip, I did when my parents were planning their trip and it worked, now when they go for a month to Nova Scotia in July my sister and I get to stay home

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

oh and also, havn't seen the movie

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Can you ask your parents if you and your friend can have a joint birthday party and once you get back? That might make it that much more fun! :)

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

Could you talk to them about how important this is to you? Maybe they'll come home a day early or let you stay home.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

*cough*
Okay, so I'm so pissed off. Like, really pissed off. All I wanted was a goodbye. All I wanted was for people to read my other thread, and to realise that I was gonna, well, you know. But some blank blank blank has changed the ENTIRE meaning of it, and besides all of that I'M STILL HERE!!! I went to college today, to find out that Media was cancelled and my Art teacher wasn't here either. Sucks...however, with art we have to stay if the teacher is here or not. I didn't though, I mean, I sat there for a while but then I broke down and rushed to the toilets. To escape. To get away. Then, I went to the doctors. They saw me straight away, but I was there for around an hour and a half. So, I have to go back tomorrow...bad times...but ahh well...

I learnt something today. I learnt that, I don't think I can possibly ever be happy. I learnt that I can try, but I'll never truly be normal. I learnt that there is no real definition or normal, but I do feel that I'd like to be normal...Normal to me is basically everything I'm not. My friend today described me as manic depressive, aha...One minute I was on the verge of grabbing the scissors in art and, you know...the next I was real hyperactive. I don't know...I mean...*sigh*

I'm really upset. I can't stop crying. Is it possible to actually run out of tears? *sigh* So I've been stuck with Captain Mong all day, and I've hated it. He didn't let me sleep last night, he took me to the doctors, sat with me, now he's sat opposite me and he keeps staring at me. I just want him to give me space! *sigh*

I'm sick of being the way I am. I'm sick of living, but I'm scared of dying. He attempted to knock sense into me today, he showed me some pretty sick pictures, which have made me shake and throw up. I'm not going to go into detail, but jeez...I never realised...*sigh*

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

I'm so sorry. I really know how you feel about not ever being able to be happy. It does feel hopeless, but I know you can make it through this. Have you talked to Captain Mong and asked him to leave you alone? Report him to someone if he won't. You're going through a really hard time right now and you don't need any more stress. Just try to stay strong.

Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

If you have an issue with a Mod can you please take it up with that mod, or talk to the disputes committee if you think you have been treated unfairly.

I'm broken inside...please make it stop...
 

I want to die now, i've decided...help :'(

Re: I\'m broken inside...please make it stop...
 

Laura. Don\'t do it. I\'m here for you, ok? Do you want to talk about what\'s wrong?

Re: I\'m broken inside...please make it stop...
 

No...but i\'ve just been pushed over the edge by my drunken brother....i dont think i can take anymore.... :\'(

Re: I\'m broken inside...please make it stop...
 

Hi there Laura, I\'m sorry that you\'re feeling so down at the moment, is there anything in particular that has happened to make you feel like this? Maybe explaining what\'s making you feel like this will help you a bit?
At the moment you might not be thinking straight, so take a moment to relax and think about this properly. Is there anyone that you could talk to about how you\'re feeling at the moment? A friend or close family member perhaps? Taking through how you\'re feeling can really help sometimes, even knowing that someone’s there listening to you.

You\'re not alone in feeling how you do, and I\'m sure that there are a lot of people who feel similar to you who want to help you stop feeling how you do because you don\'t deserve to feel as down as you are at the moment. I\'m sure that there are a lot of people around you who would like to know how you\'re feeling and perhaps don\'t know what do to. Think about this \'You may think that the world means nothing; think again, you may mean the world to someone else.\' I hope you\'re alright, my pm box is always open, take care.

Re: I\'m broken inside...please make it stop...
 

No-one cares... :\'( I just cut really deep...I dont know what to do...

Re: I\'m broken inside...please make it stop...
 

Please don\'t kill yourself. :( *HUGS*
Talk to someone about how you feel, hun.

Re: I\'ve fricking had enough!!!!!!
 

i talk.
everyone gets sick of me...