TeenHelp - Triggering (SH): They found out

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- - Triggering (SH): They found out (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t163419-they-found-out/)

My parents found out. I was taking my meds last night, (i have to show my parents that I actually take them,) and so when I was showing them that my hands were empty, my mom saw my semi-old scars. She asked to see, and I thought I could play it off as they were old but I was picking at them.
Then she asked to see my shoulders.
I knew there was no getting out of this because of how new they were.
They held me back for an hour when I just wanted to go to bed, and I just started crying. They kept asking me things I couldn't answer, like "why did I do it" and "What am I trying to prove". And then their first reaction was to make a comment saying "So which of your friends is doing it?"
I only know of ONE friend who's doing the same thing, but I found out she was doing it AFTER I started. You don't have to believe me, but I know it's true.
They also made me drop out of all my extracurricular activities, and I have to be with someone at all times.
fml

Re: They found out

Hello,

I am so sorry that your parents found out about this like this and I'm also sorry that you are having a hard time with this now. Sometimes when our parents find out about something that we are going through, they may not really understand this and they will be really upset and start to yell at us because they are not sure what is wrong or what is happening at the moment. I'm not saying that it is okay for our parents to yell or be hurtful to us, some parents do this. How about giving everyone some time to cool down and then see about if all of you can try talking calmly together as a family. Or how about if you can try writing them a letter about everything that you have been going through and why you have been self harming and if you would like to put anything else in the letter that you would like to talk about and tell them.

Also another idea that you can try doing would be, when you go to school, go to your favorite teacher or the school counselor and try talking with them about what has happened and see if they would be able to have your parents join you and them and all of you are talking calmly together and try to figure something out together as a family. Maybe your teacher or the school counselor would be able to give you all some tips to help each other in this and you will be okay. Try to find something to help you to feel better soon, going for a walk or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or calling a friend or drawing or painting or writing or something else that you enjoy doing. I hope you will be okay soon.

Re: They found out

Hi Lyl

I am sorry that you are going through this. It's not a nice way for your parents to find out and it's even worse that certain freedoms are being taken away from you because of this. I think they are probably doing what they think is right - keeping you in sight so that you can't hurt yourself. But they probably don't realise that it has an impact on how you feel and that it's not the only way to help you.

I think Emmie has given some really good advice about how you could approach this with your parents. Having a neutral person present is a great way to make sure both sides of the conversation are being heard. I think when doing this (if you decide to) it would be really good to let them know that the extracurricular activities you're no longer allowed to do are things you enjoy. If these are helpful and benefit your mental health, definitely let them know this. Also, perhaps let them know how else you deal with urges when they come about. This way they can see that you're dealing with a conflict in your mind and you are working on avoiding harmful behaviours rather than just following a crowd. It's a common misconception and often caused by parents just not really getting it. If you've never experiences self harm, it's hard to understand why a person might resort to it. But if you let them know what you are doing to try and tackle the urges perhaps they will understand just a little bit more.

I hope you are staying strong and getting through this. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want to chat.

Re: They found out

I don’t know what you should do about your parents, but I have personal experience with a friend who started self harming after I did. She really dragged me down and got me to scar up my perfect thighs 11 years ago and I’m still living with these scars and many others that are her fault. It was impossible for me to see it at the time, but now I have perspective since I ended the friendship right after graduation.

I say this to be helpful, but if it’s too triggering I hope the moderators edit it out:
This “friend” kept going to the emergency room for stitches and staples, and she got me to cvt my left shoulder so deep it made me nauseous. I still have horrible problems with the scar. This girl additionally gave me lots of self harm tips, and that can be a problem with being friends with a fellow self harmer, especially in high school when some of our peers aren’t socially mature yet. In my case, it turned out that this girl was a stalker who had a sexual fetish for cutting me, so I had to do it to myself to satisfy her because it would’ve been much worse if she’d done it to me.

I’m sorry that’s so dark, but I don’t want you to go through what I went through. Especially because the school administration condoned her actions even though I was the 4.0 student with a great social life and she was the opposite. I have a question: is your friend who recently started self harming interested in recovering? Also: if you showed them scars as a warning not to do it, how did they react?