TeenHelp - hospital

so I just got out of inpatient, like an hour and a half ago, and I was scared to go home because I'm only a day and a half safe, and the hospital is aware I tried to kill myself while I was there. I was only there for 13 days. I expressed concerns about going home and I wasn't comfortable with it. I honestly wanna sh so bad rn. I can't do this shit. I don't even wanna try PHP, I have little to no hope atp of recovering. I feel like this shit is an endless cycle of despare. I had this one staff at the hospital who got me. We had almost an replicating story, she knew what my position was like, she gave me a stone that had the word accept on it, as a graduation gift. I left the hospital. I should be happy, right? i should be proud, right? what's wrong with me? Why do I feel the need of going back, why do I feel like that treatment wasn't enough and I should go residential? should I kill myself to end everyone's pain and anxiety of me? What's the answer...?