TeenHelp - The police said it wasnt rape.

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The police said it wasnt rape.

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...ave-post-here/

Thats my post from October about when i was raped. I had forgiven the guy that done it and even dated him, you heard it right, dated him, i genuinly believed he was sorry. (Please don't judge).

I ended it with him last Monday, nothing to do with October but due to his immaturity, annoyance and complete doucheness. We remained friends albeit he took it hard. The following Sunday i asked if he wanted to come over so we could help each other study as he's in the same class as me in college. It got to like 2am in the morning and i wasnt going to send anyone home at that time in the dark, especially where i live, smack bang in the town centre so i said he could sleep in my bed. I should admit although im ashamed of it that even though we'd broken up we'd became friends with benefits again but cut the sex all the way down from what we did have.

We had sex that night and went to sleep, however many hours later he woke me up and i had my hands grasping his penis, he told me i put it there in my sleep, i didn't believe it so i tricked him by saying he was awake, long story short he admitted he moved my hand there. I kicked him out, called him sick, said he didn't learn anything from October.

I decided to report every incident to the police, first officers came and took my information then i went down to the station where i thought i was giving my statement...couldn't have been more wrong.

According to the officer, what happened in October wasn't rape because we were kissing, cuddling and as he says "it was foreplay", the sex wasn't rape, it was uncomfortable but not rape, it would have been raped if when i pushed my hand off of him (read the link for the detailed account) and he stopped then it was rape but him entering me without permission wasn't. The officer said it was also going to be hard to take it higher to the court to prove it was rape. I told him of several incidents then
1. October rape
2. Multiple occassions where he digitally penetrated me and i did say stop, he didn't and i physically tried to move his hand away but i was pinned down.
3. A party two weeks ago, i was absolutley hammered and threw up and fell asleep in my friends toilet, he took me to bed and got in with me, i woke up the next morning with two condoms on the bed side table, one empty and one used, i asked if we had sex, he said yes, i don't remember it. Now if i did consent here then it doesn't matter because i was too drunk to consent. If i was asleep then hell that was much worse
4. Waking up with my hands on his penis.

The officer sent me home to think about it before i made a decision, he says no.2 and no.3 are a crime but 1 and 4 aren't. I have no experience with the police or how this works but hearing that just made me cry and cry. It's making me lose faith in the police and they seem to be treating it not seriously. Surely you need to give consent each time before sex, just because and i quote from him "you were in an on-off relationship and you did have foreplay and talk about the sex the night before".

Please help me someone! You all advised me to go to the Police and i wouldn't and now i have thinking they would be so helpful but then this guy says this!!

Re: The police said it wasnt rape.

You are from a different area than myself, Scotland and I am from the USA, I am not sure if that makes a difference.

I am not sure how the incident in October is not considered rape unless I am not understanding it correctly? You told him no when you were having the interactions with him, correct? You didn't give him consent so I am not sure how that is not considered rape. You might want to ask for a better clarification or something along those lines.

One thing to consider is that usually the officers that take your statement are different then the officers that investigate (Might be different where you are). I reported my abuse to an officer and it was investigated by a detective and the first report was a lot more condensed than I recalled and there were a few things in there that weren't completely accurate. Talking to the detective I got to elaborate on the account and clarify certain aspects that the officer did not get. So right now they might be saying the October incident is not rape but after you give a more detailed account it might change.

Do not take the officers response to this personally, okay? They should treat you with respect and take what you have to say seriously. I have no idea why they are not treating you that way but you need to try and remind yourself that you are very strong for coming forward. No matter what their response there are a lot of victims who do not report their abuse. You are brave.

I hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to VM/PM me.

Re: The police said it wasnt rape.

police at twits.
Talk to a female officer, I'm not being sexist but female officers can help you more when it comes to things like harassment & rape since they can understand the emotions behind it and have more sympathy towards you. Male officers tend to be better at dealing with situations like assaults in bars/ pubs & robberies since they can use their masculinity to an advantage.