TeenHelp - Female Advice Preferred: Is this okay?

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- - Female Advice Preferred: Is this okay? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-rape-abuse/t161333-okay/)

This girl at my school just came up to me when the hallway was pretty empty after school one day and grabbed my dick and balls with her hand. She just held it for 5 seconds and I jumped back after and said what the hell. She just laughed at me and said that I have a micropenis. After, I grabbed her tits and asked her how she liked it. Then she ran away and was crying. For your information, she's basically the hottest girl in our school, but she thinks she can just get away with anything. Was what I did wrong? Isn't grabbing someone's dick the same as grabbing breasts?

Re: Is this okay?

What she did was wrong, yes, but what you did was also wrong. It's not about a tit-for-tat, she grabs your penis so you grab her breasts. I understand why you may have reacted like that, but the fact of the matter is you touched someone without consent. That is a violation, even if it was in retaliation to her doing the same to you.

You always, ALWAYS need to practice consent, in general, yes, but especially in regards to someone's physical boundaries. You have the right to defend yours, especially if they are violated, but the answer to such a thing is not violating someone else's boundaries. Defending yourself appropriately would have been telling an adult you could trust, since you are a minor. They can help you process your feelings about what happened and take the necessary disciplinary steps to keep such a thing from happening again.

I am sorry this happened to you, but remember, consent is key, and just because someone violates yours doesn't mean it's appropriate to violate someone else's in return.

Re: Is this okay?

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out! I think Eli has given a great answer there and I will just add on to what they've said.

Touching someone else's private parts without consent is not appropriate, no matter what the circumstances are. In this case, both parties (you and her) did exactly this, so both of you were in the wrong. When the girl touched you inappropriately, you felt violated, right? She would've felt the same way when you did the same to her.

No doubt you feel upset, confused and perhaps even angry right now. Let's take this as a lesson and try to work on some areas for improvement. While you can't change what has already happened, you can do a couple of things.

First, owning up to our follies is a sign of a person with great virtue. That's what a real gentleman would do. I suggest that you meet her in person to politely and sincerely apologise for what you did. It's important that you are sincere, because that would mean that you will not have to be in this situation again. You too deserve an apology from her, which she will give if she has truly reflected upon this. But I'd suggest that you still go ahead and apologise to her rather than wait for her to apologise first. That's the kind of action honest people are made of, especially when one has realised that they hurt someone :)

Secondly, don't take to heart what she said. She made a nasty comment about your body, which was fully unwarranted. I hope that you aren't feeling too down by her comment. If you need to talk to someone in person about how you're feeling about her specific comment, I suggest meeting a teacher or a guidance counsellor at school.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions! :D