TeenHelp - Anorexia sucks.

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Eating Disorders (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f15-eating-disorders/)

- - Anorexia sucks. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f15-eating-disorders/t117159-anorexia-sucks/)

So I have to gain weight in order to exercise (diagnosed with anorexia). Exercising is such a massive part of my live, I neeeed my basketball. But losing weight has always been soo important to me.

I'm so depressed.
I want to be skinny. Honestly I just want to be skinny. It hurts so bad to gain weight that I will cry. Sometimes I just feel that I'd rather kill myself than be at a stupidly high "healthy weight".

I slept till noon all march break and I just felt crappy all the time. I'm just so sad now. I don't want to be sent to an inpatient clinic, I can't miss school, and I can't miss work. But I'm sooo upset all the time and it sucks. Sometimes I do just want to end it so I don't have to be fat.. but then my parents would be so sad. Why can't they just let me be skinnyyy. Uggh I'm so mad.

Re: Anorexia sucks.

They can't let you continue with this and reach your ideal weight because it's unhealthy. The goal you set for yourself was set in a destructive clouded mindset, which means your goal isn't going to be healthy. The type of mindset fuels the type of goal. Eventually you're going to have to recover or you die. You don't extract happiness from starvation. You need food to live. Recover by choice, not by force. Because force is what it comes down to should you continue losing weight in an unhealthy manner. I know how difficult it can be to think in a healthy mindset, but you have got to look at the situation as either life or death. Because although it doesn't feel like that now, that's basically what it is. Eating disorders don't always result in physical death, but are you really living a life full of exactly that, life? Is it worth what you put your body through. Because eventually you'll have to become a healthy weight. You've got a lot of strength. I know you do. I've seen you around for ages. You have courage. You may not believe that, but you do. It takes strength to go through an ED and survive. You told you're parents. Which means a small part of you want to be better. Hang on to that! Keep your chin up, k? <3

Re: Anorexia sucks.

Hey Cassie beaut :)

You have to gain weight to exercise, right? That's called token economy, we're learning about it in psychology ;) It was also applied to me- I had to gain weight or all freedom and technology was taken away from me. Hell, I didn't like it, but I'm alive, and that is something that feel so damn amazing.

Maybe you could make a list of things your eating disorder is taking away from you. Like exercise. But you also need to question why you want to exercise- is it to lose weight? Think. Why do you want to lose weight? Because it gives you a purpose? Find a new one, mine was volunteering on this site. To look pretty? You know it's lies, and that there's nothing beautiful about dying. To be fragile? You're already fragile and your weight has nothing to do with that. Challenge every thought you have, and rationalise rationalise rationalise. Then distract. Your ED won't win this battle kidda.

Skinnnnnnnnnyyyyy isn't everything gorgeous. You know this, and I know it's difficult to apply it, but the best way is to repeat it, and find evidence. List evidence supporting the fact you're beautiful. Yes, fact. You're friggen gorgeous, and I've never seen you. I just know you're a beautiful person, and I've told you before I feel a connection with you, probably because I'm messed up but hey ;)

This is recovery. Recovery itself comes with good things and bad things. This pain is one of them. But as much as you try to justify relapsing, you'll still have to go through this one day, or die- and lose all the future hugs and kisses, love, bungee jumps, holidays, memories, babies, puppies, kittens, soft blankets, laughing until you cry, snuggling up on a cold day in front of a fire, snow, sunshine, beach trips, swimming, playing, smiling, eating ice cream, feeling beautiful, brushing your shiny hair, having a bath after a few days without, eating your favorite food, drinking alcohol, having fun, living.

It's going to worth it. But you need to gain the weight gorgeous, or it's likely your mindset won't improve until you do. Mine didn't. You can do this, and I'm so proud of you. Kick this in the teeth <3

Re: Anorexia sucks.

I'll keel trying.. Thanks girls<3 you're awesome!

Re: Anorexia sucks.

Hey. I'm sorry to hear, that you're struggling so much.
But don't give up. I promise you, recovery is worth it.
Being skinny isn't a life, but a hell. I know it from myself, and I'm sure you know it too.
Do you get any help? :hug:
Please, take care. You're lovely.

Hugs.

Re: Anorexia sucks.

I have a counselor and have been admitted to an outpatient clinic just recently so maybe those will help , thanks<3