TeenHelp - Triggering (ED): Ed vent

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- - Triggering (ED): Ed vent (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f15-eating-disorders/t165984-eating-disorder-s-vent/)

Whenever I sit down, I see my thighs spread, I want to cry. Whenever I stand in the mirror and see my body, the fact that I'm not skinny, the fact I have thick thighs, the fact the smallest part about me are my wrists... makes me want to cry. I want a small stomach and I want to starve myself. I barely have an appetite as it is, so what will ignoring my appetite do? Just make it smaller? I don't WANT to eat, I don't WANT to be big anymore. I'm overweight. Only if I could be underweight...that's my dream. Be that skinny girl. Well, I don't want to be SKINNY, but I don't want to be fat either, and right now I'm fat. I was a flat stomach but not a tight one, if that makes sense, I was my thighs to barely touch, if not at all, well, I guess that is skinny, isn't it? My clinician thinks I have bulimia but isn't giving me the diagnosis yet. I want to get better, to have a good relationship with food, but I don't know how. I want to do so much but the only thing holding me back is not knowing how...without getting the results I want, I don't know how to recover.

Since your clinician thinks you have bulimia I want to say how proud I am that you spoke up and told someone. Do you think you and your clinician can come up with ways to make sure you eat and improve your body image? If you truly are overweight there are dieticians who specialize in helping people with eating disorders so it might help to go that route.

Yeah that could totally help. I could def talk to my clinician. I am also still pretty young so my body is going to change so my dad keeps telling me not to worry about it and I'm "pretty anyway"