I Think I Might Be Developing An Eating Disorder
 

I've been overweight my entire life, and it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started having these thoughts. Even though I've always been big, I managed to lose weight through diet and exercise, and when I wasn't losing weight, I was maintaining my weight. Sometimes I would gain [edited by Cas*:Removing weight numbers] here or there, but I would eventually lose it.

A few weeks ago, my mother made fun of me for being big. I knew that she wasn't being malicious or anything, so I didn't take it negatively. A few days later, she told me that I was gaining weight around my middle, and ever since then, things have been going down hill.

I started thinking about making myself throw up whenever I ate, and I actually tried to one night after dinner. I wasn't able to and I felt horrible the rest of the night. I still do. I managed to avoid eating anything but fruit for a few days. Before I knew it, I was on a thinspiration website looking for ways to restrict my caloric intake and and ways to get rid of the food that I did eat. I didn't eat for a few days and when I had to eat, I was counting calories obsessively so that I could exercise them away. Whenever I eat lately, I feel terrible about it and wish that I had more self-control.

I've always felt like food controlled my life, and lately, I feel like this is the only way to have any semblance of control.

Even though I haven't put any of my thoughts into action, I'm still afraid that I might be in the early stages. I haven't been talking to anyone about these thoughts and feelings, because I'm afraid that they might write me off as being dramatic or stupid. I'm hoping that someone can give some idea of what to do. Should I try to work through this by myself, or should I go to someone?

Re: I Think I Might Be Developing An Eating Disorder
 

Don't do that. That's what I did, and now I've lost a grip on reality and hate myself to a point where puking and making fun of myself are things I deserve. It wasn't cool of your mom to say that; she should be more encouraging. If you are concerned about your weight, talk to your doctor. Together, you can figure out the best solution for you. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

Re: I Think I Might Be Developing An Eating Disorder
 

You said that it feel like this is the only to gain control. But it's not really gaining control. It may feel like control now, but eventually it'll get to the point where you are no longer in control. I've been struggling with eating issues for over six years; it's not real control. It's the illusion of control.

Restricting and purging are not the ways to lose weight. You have to eat healthy and exercise to lose weight, and you should only do so after talking to your doctor. Your doctor can tell you whether you need to lose weight, and they can help you making a healthy plan to do so.

You might want to think about talking to a teacher, counselor, or friend about this.For one, this is very dangerous, and letting them help you would be best. Secondly, you don't have to do this alone. You are not alone it this, many people here have gone through, or are going through, a similar situation to yours. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone, and please don't do this on your own. It's so much harder if you try to do it alone.

If you nee to talk, feel free to pm me.Stay strong.

Re: I Think I Might Be Developing An Eating Disorder
 

Hi,
Although I am no professional, it certainly sounds to me that you may by developing an eating disorder and the things you are talking about- only eating fruit and going onto thinspiration websites are certainly very dangerous!

I have spoken to many people who have eating disorders before and they all mention control and seem to have started this way- it is good that you are asking about this and asking for advice because now you are in a position where you can either let it take over you or stay in control and don't let the ED take over your life.

Cutting back so you are only eating fruit is not heathy at all, you need nutrients from more than just this & it will probably just make you feel run down and even worse.

Why not go to a doctors and ask him to make you an eating and exercise plan so you can lose weight and stay healthy at the same time instead of damaging your body?
You can lose weight and still get to eat proper food.

As for your mother's comment- that wasnt right at all, she shouldn't knock your self esteem like that.
Please don't let this take over your life- stop it now!
Hope you make the right decision and things get easier for you soon. x