TeenHelp - this might be the beginging of an eating disorder.

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this might be the beginging of an eating disorder.

so for a long time now ive been starving myself. but i didnt really think it was an eating disorder. i did it more for self harm purposes with losing weight as like a perk i guess. but now im starting to obsess more and more with my weight and not eating. and its gotten to the point that i CANT eat. at lunch at school, i look around at people eating and i cant comprehend how they can just eat without looking at the calories and feeling horrible after they eat. i cant make myself eat without crying afterwords. i never thought this could happen to me.
my best friend is starting to catch on to whats happening. she said shes worried about me and at lunch she does things like say she wont let me hang out today if i dont eat this sandwich that shes waving in my face. i cant make myself eat and i cant handle how she makes me feel guilty for it. so i yell at her and storm off. im afraid i might lose my best friend because of this.
i know i need help. ive thought of bringing it up with my therapist but i know she would tell my mom about it. i couldnt handle that! i dont know what to do. it seems like this problem got so out of controle so fast :(

Re: this might be the beginging of an eating disorder.

Dani,

I struggled with the same thing that you are now. I came to when I realized that when you obsess over food, then you have a problem. I think that not eating is just another form of coping with things that are going on internally, and externally. You're right, not eating is just another form of self harm. They are equally as bad.

I think that it is important for you to open up to your therapist. If you can't, or aren't willing, then you can't get better. I think that it would be beneficial that your mom knows. She can really support you in this. Eating disorders do spin out of control really fast. It's the nature of self harming. You want to grab as much control as you can, or you can end up with some serious health conditions. I know you don't want that.

As for your friend, I really think you should reach out to her as well, if she is someone you can trust. Tell her that you need support, and not someone giving ultimatums, as they can make one feel worse. Your friend more than likely doesn't understand the nature of an eating disorder. Most people who don't exerience an ED just think it is about not eating to lose weight. Most don't realize that it goes beyond that. They don't know the things that we feel, and those feelings are the reason we do such things. It's up to us, who know, to educate the ones that don't.

I hope this helped. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need something :)
-Lyndsee

Re: this might be the beginging of an eating disorder.

I dont think you are at the beginning of an eating disorder, I think you have an eating disorder. The way I see it, there are 3 parts to an ED. The beginning of an eating disorder is when you try so hard not to eat, and that is when an ED can be prevented. Having an ED is when you actually can't eat, as hard as it is, you can't make yourself eat. Recovery Is pretty much the opposite of the first, you are trying hard to eat and to repair the damage :)

Sadly, its having the ED that is so hard to recover from. I know how you feel, you just cannot eat without feeling awful, and that is such a horrible horrible feeling.
Your friend is going about it the wrong way, but it is hard for her to understand. Think back before ED and SH, if someone wasn't eating, would you just bribe them into eating a bit? I know before I had an ED I would have done that, thinking it was attention and all. You could explain to your friend how you feel and ask her to just be there for you, rather than making it 10x worse.
DEFINATELY tell your therapist! They will not tell your parents straight away, it does depend on how bad you actually are though. But you need help to get out of this, and a professional is a great person to go to! Even if your parents find out, the therapist will explain to them how they can help, and that way you can have the support you need at home :)