TeenHelp - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Best Friend's Boyfriend Hates Me

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Best Friend's Boyfriend Hates Me

My best friend has been seeing this guy, we'll call him G, from June-Julyish and we've all hung out, we all got along and had a good laugh but the last two times when I've went down to my best friend's cabin I've slept with two guys, one guy is G's football teammate and the other is his friend who goes hillwalking with him.

Since that has happened he has became quite snippy and cold towards me, not completely but little remarks are made here and there and I put it down to just harmlessly making fun of me, which I don't mind, It happens with a group of friends.

The last time I was with G me and him were VERY VERY drunk and kept carrying on and play fighting in the pub and when me and my best friend put him to bed he felt my arse but I pointed it out right there and then, my best friend was a little annoyed but nothing else happened. He knows I've been raped because my best friend told him and when we were drunk he said I was "making my way through his group of friends and taking advantage of drunk guys and he'll be next", I told him to watch what he was saying as did my best friend who was getting really angry at what he was saying to me.

I haven't been down since that time but as far as I knew we were all friends, I was on FaceTime with my friend last night and G and his friend came into the cabin as we were talking, he asked who she was talking to and she said me to his response was "Katie? Fucking Katie? I fucking hate that girl, I really do fucking hate her and hate is a strong thing to say, I really fucking hate her". I laughed it off but now I'm a little upset, why does he hate me? What have I done? Is it because I slept with two of his closest friends? I've not made a move on him or anyone else, when I did sleep with they boys it was THEM who made the first move.

The girl is my best friend but I use that term very loosely, she's not loyal and very selfish, she's ditched me in town centres by myself to go home with him at 1am, she's made me feel left out and of course, telling him I was raped which was none of his or hers business, also found out she's been bitching about me to him, I don't mind as bitching happens in daily life but the things she's told is utter lies. I know if I was to tell her she'd just tell me to ignore it but I know for a fact if I was down there again and he was to start verbally abusing me, she'd just tell him to stop and be quiet but still date him.

I'm different, i'd kick his ass out and put her first but I know everyone is different.

Any advice?

Re: Best Friend's Boyfriend Hates Me

Well, it sounds like he's jealous. I've been on both ends of this - so I know how he must feel. Most likely he is jealous that you had sex with his two friends (maybe he's not getting what he wants from his girlfriend, or maybe he just wants to have sex with you too). You know how people say you tell the truth when you are drunk, or say how you feel? Well to some context that is true. The fact that he mentioned to you that you had sex with his two friends and he is next probably relates to him wanting or having a fantasy to have sex with you. Maybe those two guys you got with said you were good at sex - and told him about it (yes we usually talk in detail about our sex life). Or maybe he just has always thought you were good looking? The possibilities are endless.

Alright, I'm all over the place here. My point is - I think that he was jealous that you got with his two friends, and despite his girlfriend, he most likely wanted to get with you (maybe more when you guys where drunk than when you guys are sober - so we can blame it on being drunk if things went wrong). But now that he is sober, and you practically rejected him up in the cabin when you last seen him, most likely his way to cope, and blow off the whole incident is to act like he hates you and say hurtful things. One reason for that is to make himself feel better about it (like he didn't get rejected), and another is to throw off the scent of him having something for you (so his girlfriend doesn't think to much about it).

Where to go from here? I think you shouldn't even bring anything up - and that you should just move on. Don't avoid your friend or anything harsh like that. Just live your life. But most likely when you see G, he will probably keep saying stupid/mean things. Just learn to not listen to it, and not take it to heart.

Best wishes,
Chris

Re: Best Friend's Boyfriend Hates Me

Maybe it's not typical for G's friends to sleep with someone while they're all hanging out at your best friend's cabin? I don't know what "hanging out" generally consists of, but if it DOESN'T usually involve sex, then G could be upset for a number of reasons. He could, as Chris suggested, be jealous of what his friends are getting. He could be concerned that you'll emotionally hurt his friends in some way (which would leave him to pick up the pieces). He could also be angry about your "stealing" his friends away, when they should have all been hanging out together. Who knows?

The real question here is whether or not you want to spend time around your "best friend" and G. Personally, it doesn't sound like you have many reasons to keep hanging out with them (aside from the occasional laugh, and perhaps the fear that you won't have anyone else to hang out with if they're gone). Ask yourself whether you can be happy with these two in your life. If the answer is "no," then it's time to ditch them.