TeenHelp - parents not yet divorced but mom has boyfriend..please help im going crazy

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parents not yet divorced but mom has boyfriend..please help im going crazy

So :?

Long story short, 3 days ago, I went on my mom's phone because she asked me to text someone for her while she was driving, but by accident, I found a pretty romantic text conversation to some guy..I decided to keep quiet about it for the time being, even though I was really upset. My mom's been married to my dad for 16 years, by the way...

It drove me nuts to the point I asked her if her and my dad were splitting up, hence the text conversation I found.

She told me that last month, my dad had told her he wanted to divorce in December. She also said that this boyfriend of hers was someone she used to go out with years ago, and she found him on Facebook or something...

What is driving me crazy is her exact words were

"Don't worry about it though, it's not for sure that we're divorcing, you know how dad just says things and doesnt mean them."

But why does she have this boyfriend if they're not for sure divorcing??
She also told me not to tell my dad about him.

I just sense something a little wrong here...maybe it's just me :'(

I don't want to go through the big stress of all this, I live with crippling anxiety, I've just been clean from self-harm for a month now, I was just starting to get over depression, AND my birthday is coming up very soon..I really didn't want to be depressed on my bday like last year :'(

Any advice on what I could do..? I'm very very lost with all this :(

- Ellen xox

Re: parents not yet divorced but mom has boyfriend..please help im going crazy

Hey there Ellen.

Well first off, I'm sorry someone didn't respond sooner.

In regards to your post, I'm sorry to hear about the situation you are currently in. I can relate to your situation, because my parents are divorced and have been since I was 14 (around the age you currently are). It definitely is a tough process to go through as a child/teen/young adult. Remember, I can't read minds, so I can only tell you what I think may be happening based off of my own experiences. I think that you pushed your mother into a corner when you asked her about the whole romantic texting thing. At that point, she was unable to come up with an excuse (because what kind of excuse is there to something like that) so she told you the truth. My guess is that the divorce may be a real possibility, but she is trying to "soften the blow" by saying 'dad just says things and doesn't mean them'.

Unfortunately my overall guess is that your mother and father no longer love each other like they use too; and even though the divorce topic now came up, they may have been seeing other people for awhile now (and just have been keeping it off the radar). I want you to understand that alot of people go through this, and that sometimes you don't love the person you use to. Things change, people change, and along with that, love changes.

My advice? Try to understand that none of this is a result of you, or anything you have done. Having divorced parents is certainly a big change, but it's nothing you (or anyone) can't get through. On another note, talk to find an trusted adult (teacher, principal, counselor, etc) in which you can receive support, tips/advice, and also be able to vent too. It will be a big relief to get things off your chest, and try to wrap your head around the whole idea of divorce.

Stay strong, my friend!

Best wishes,
Chris

Re: parents not yet divorced but mom has boyfriend..please help im going crazy

Hey there.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this situation. Parents having relationship difficulties can be really tough on the children in the family. I know it might be hard to hear but there's not an awful lot you can do about what's going on in your family right now. Your parents are having their difficulties and they need to work through it on their own. It might be tough for you but know that they love you and are going to try and make whatever happens easy for you to deal with.

As for your mother having a boyfriend. I know it's hard to understand because your parents are still married, but it's a very complicated thing to get into. Your mother is an adult and if she feels that this is the way she wants to handle the situation then that's what she's going to do.

I would advise that the best thing you can do is just try and talk to your parents about what's going on. They should be able to tell you a little bit about what's going on and what could happen in the future for your family. The best thing to do is just not to worry. Things will work out in the end and your parents will do what's best for you and your family.

Hope you're okay.

Re: parents not yet divorced but mom has boyfriend..please help im going crazy

Hello there
I'm sorry about what you're saying.I don't think that you have to tell this emidiatly to your dad.Why don't you talk to your mom and tell her she has to get divorced or brake up from her bf.Tell her that what she's doing isn't honest about your dad.If she says that she won't do anything,you should tell to your dad everything.Just ceep calm Ok?Nothing is more important than you.Even if your parents get divorced,they're getting divorced from each-other,not from you.