TeenHelp - Triggering (Abuse): This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom

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- - Triggering (Abuse): This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f18-friends-family/t161618-feels-like-abuse-i-don%92t-k-ow-but-i-shouldn%92t-scared-my-mom/)

This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]CW abuse(?) maybe? Fighting with parents and stuff, panic attack mentions.

So uhh I kinda ran away from my house yesterday and stayed overnight at a friends house...that was fun. I got into a fight with my parents over grades and things escalated and got kinda scary(?) and this wasn’t even the worst time but it’s the third time I’ve been scared if my parents, my mom in particular. Because my dad just yells mostly. But my mom like, pulled in my hair and stuff which freaked me out because of past experiences.

And then they were both crowding in on me and raising their voices and I’m pretty sure I was having a panic attack. Then my mom grabbed my face really hard to get me to face her and I tried to bite her out of instinct and she got mad at me. Then I just kind of ran out and sat on a picnic table in the park for like 20 minutes and cried and tried to avoid a complete mental breakdown. Then it was getting cold and I was scared to go home so I walked to my friends house and they let me stay the night and stuff. I’m back home now and things are kind of ok? My dad apologized for yelling and stuff, but my mom has yet to actually apologize. She never does. This was the tamer of the three times she’s been like, physical.

The first time she was actually driving and we were arguing over something stupid and she grabbed my face, I guess to get me to shut up, and ended up giving me a nosebleed. The second time was the worst. She pulled me off my bed by my hair, and grabbed my face and got angry when I tried to bite her and we almost fought for real, which was scary. She’s yet to actually apologize for any of it. She never apologizes, and she always tries to play the “well you helped escalate it” card, and I don’t think that justifies what she’s done but I don’t know. Every time before its gone back to normal like it didn’t happen but it’s still in th back of my mind, and I’m scared of her. I’m pretty sure it’s abuse but whenever I brought that up or called it that she scoffed. So I don’t know. I hope this is in the right place, sorry if it’s not.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

Re: This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom

Hey there,

Sorry to hear about the situation with your parents, particularly your mom.

Parents can have high expectations for us and it be difficult for them if we don't meet those expectations. But while they may be disappointed they shouldn't lash out in anger. Yelling is one thing, but physically pulling your hair or grabbing your face to the point of you having a nosebleed, is something else.

It's understandable that you would've panicked and stayed with a friend instead. It's good that your friend is supportive and lets you stay there when you need to get away from home.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to figure out when something is deliberately abusive and when parents haven't realised how much their behaviour is affecting you. It doesn't matter so much as to how you feel about it. It seems you've tried talking to your mom and she doesn't seem to take you seriously. What about your dad? Maybe you could talk to him and get him to talk to your mom about how her behaviour affects you? I'm also wondering if you have someone in your life that you can talk to about this? Perhaps your friend, or a teacher or a counsellor? You deserve support and people you feel safe to talk to as well.

Hope this helps a bit and feel free to keep us updated!

Re: This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t really do anything. I tried talking to him after the first time, and emailing him before he got home from work the second, but he more or less pulled the “I need to hear both sides of the story” card. He doesn’t necessarily defend her, but he doesn’t defend me either. He practically takes her side, doesn’t talk to her about it. He apologized to me and stuff, which is better than my mom, but he’s still kind of enabling it, I guess(?) I do t know if that’s the right word for it. And I have a few friends I can talk to, yeah. Thank you.[/size][/color][/font]

Re: This feels like abuse? I don’t k ow. But I shouldn’t be scared of my mom

It sounds like your dad plays a passive role in all of this...would it be possible to let him know that you'd like him to play more of an active role in parenting, whether that's about your school work or discipline etc., so that your mom will have less of a chance to potentially mistreat you?

I'm glad that you have a few friends that you can talk to. Sometimes friends can be the safe places we need!