TeenHelp - My Mom...

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[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I am turning 11 next December and I am trying to discover myself more, but my mom is actively discouraging it and I feel more stuck and enclosed than ever. I have gone to youtube and social media for help since I don't have any friends and the one I did have barely ever talks to me. my mom may not be discouraging me on purpose, but whenever I have asked about what she thinks about certain sexualities and groups I think I might be a part of, she strongly states her opinion on me. she then proceeds to guilt-trip me into feeling bad for her for having such a child find these things online and ask about them to her "poor mother" and I want to get help but every time I start hinting at needing help from my mother the terrible timing and her anger issues kick in and she either: 1:starts raging about something entirely different. 2: she misinterprets it that I am saying that she needs help and starts talking trash about another family member and listing off all the things they have done to her. 3: she gets that I am asking for help and proceeds to say that i "have a roof over my head, clean clothes, freshwater, and good food and that I have nothing to worry about and there are people with worse problems. she may not say that exactly but it's obviously and heavily implied. sorry bout the long paragraph, I just needed to vent. (btw, Jessica is a fake name in case my mom finds this)[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through! In terms of your mom actively discouraging you discovering yourself more, is it possible that she is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you are growing up? Sometimes when parents aren't ready to face that, they can really make things difficult.

This may help with the timing of some things: Maybe write what you want to say in a letter? That way you will have gotten everything you want to say out without interruptions such as anger getting in the way. You can either directly hand her the letter or leave it somewhere she'll see it. As I'm sure you know, anyone can use help, not just people who don't have a roof over their head, etc.

If you're still in school do you have a guidance counselor you can talk to about some of what is going on? They may be able to help you find ways to healthily communicate with your mom, and maybe even moderate a discussion between the two of you if that's something you're interested in. That way, nobody talks over the other and if anyone starts to get angry it can be dealt with quickly.

When you do talk with your mom it may help to use "I statements" like "I feel ____ when ____." This way it doesn't sound like you're placing the blame on her, and I statements are supposed to help prevent people from getting defensive.

I hope this helps a little bit!
Dez

Hello,

You did a wonderful job coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through. I am so sorry that you have been going through all of this and I hope that you will be okay soon.

I agree with what is said up above, try talking with someone at your school. The school counselors know so much about what we are going through and they love helping us out and to feel better soon. You can ask for them to help talk to your mother and ask about different groups that you can join that other people are going through this and then you will be able to talk to them about this. If you ever wanted to join Teenhelp you can and you can make lot's of friends and talk about anything that you are going through. I hope that you will be okay soon. :hug:

Oh dear... I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. You're so young, too :(
I remember experimenting with different sexualities and genders too at 11. It's perfectly valid, and I feel like that's the age a lot of kids start to try and figure out who they are.

As for your mother, it may be easier to write a letter to her, like one of the users suggested. I notice a lot of parents use the excuse "you have food, water, and a room over your head" when their kids come to them about mental health issues. The thing is, mental illness can affect anyone. It's really not as simple as "I give you the basic necessities = youre happy" It's a lot more complicated. It can be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, past experiences, arguments, or really any number of things. Just because youre unhappy does NOT mean youre ungrateful.

I'm rambling a little bit but I really just wanted to help, because I remember when I was 11 and feeling like that. Hopefully things get better for you. Don't be afraid to try new things and experiment, and don't ever change for anyone other than yourself <3

I think you need to talk to your mom about the fact that childhood is one thing and should be spent with friends outside, not at home under constant supervision.