TeenHelp - It's getting serious.

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It's getting serious.

Okay, so If you know me, you'll probably know I've had a LOT of conflict between my mom and my older *adopted* sister. I love both of them, and want to defend both of them, but I'm especially defensive over my sister. My mom told me my sister was telling my mom all of the stuff I had told her, including secret stuff, but I just didn't believe her. Apparently my sister had been distorting my stories and stuff, according to my mom.

I just couldn't---wouldn't believe it. I mean, I trust my older sister a lot. Even AFTER I found out my older sister was spilling all my tea, I stood by her side and defended her. And god, it was so agonizing hearing my mom talking about her.

So recently my sister moved out (she's 20) My parents were mad that it was so sudden. I just...couldn't understand why my parents were so mad. And then we just had two conflicting sides, and both expect me to pick a side. I just couldn't! I wanted to see my older sister.

Now, I titled this "It's getting serious" for a reason. My mom recently called up her foodstamps account, which was supposed to be renewed by now. She was told she only had $1, and then was told that the address for the foodstamps was changed in september. We have almost no food in the house right now, and we were originally told we might not get it fixed until January.
My mom says that my older sister did it--that she was the only one who could've. I have no way of contacting her, and both of my sisters have turned against her.

I feel so hurt, but despite that I still don't know what to believe. I want my sister to not have been so mean, and I want my family to just be...normal.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

Re: It's getting serious.

Hey!

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.

If your mom or family asks you again to take sides, I would respectfully tell them that you do not feel comfortable doing this. You can say something along the lines of, "I understand that this is a really stressful time for you, but I do not feel comfortable taking sides in this matter." If you don't want them talking about it around you you can also ask them not to by saying, "Please do not continue to talk to me about the issues with my sister." It's not fair to you that she is talking badly about your sibling and putting you in such a tough place.

I understand not wanting to turn on your sister without hearing her side, so I'm sorry that you can't get in touch with her. If your older sister truly did these things though it sounds like it would be a good idea to take a step back. If you feel comfortable you can ask her why she did it if you ever are able to get in contact with her again, but if you aren't able to get in contact with her you don't have to guess reasons why either. But if she is truly talking about you and distorting your stories it may be a good idea to evaluate how you want the relationship to proceed when you do get in contact with her again. Do you feel comfortable sharing your secrets with her anymore, for example?

You don't have to make any decisions on what to do or say without putting thought into it first to see where you stand. You don't even have to take sides if you don't want to.